Episode 2.

So, two days later a new video appeared.  The camera and background were the same as Kim launched into part two of her story.

“So, when my husband woke up from a coma on life support from having a major brain aneurysm I was at the bank signing papers for the house we had just purchased.  Did I mention that I could hardly walk at the time?  I had developed a case of rheumatoid arthritis and I could not navigate the stairs of our rental.  So, we bought a house that would be easier for me to navigate.  At the time, he was working from home as much as possible.  He bathed me, helped me get dressed, cooked, did much of the house work.  He was my rock.  And the house we were buying for me?  He was going to be the one that ended up needing it.

So, I am at the bank signing papers when I got the call from the hospital.  There was screaming on the other line that he was awake.  I hit my knees in the middle of the bank.  Because my next planned stop after leaving the bank was the hospital.  To remove him from life support.  After regaining my composure I raced to the hospital.

I was so excited to see my husband.  To talk with him.  To laugh about all of this”. Kim shook her head and continued “no.  He was a vegetable.  I tried to hug him.  To talk to him.  Nothing.  At the time, I did not know anything about brain injuries.  One of the doctors sat me down and explained it was a miracle that he was awake, but he would never be capable of human interaction or connection again.  That he was likely blind.  That he would never be able to read, write or speak.  That these were the parts of his brain that had been affected.  He said my husband, my rock, would not understand what I said to him.  That he would never walk again.  That it was very likely that he would never move much at all ever again.

He explained that we were at the beginning of a marathon.  And he was right.”

So this is a little bit different than most of the stories here I think.  Definitely a little different than anything I have done.  And I have been putting off starting it for awhile worried it might be a train wreck.  Or too complex.  But maybe it will work.  And readers will enjoy it.  At least that is my hope.

Thank you Braceface.  I believe many on here aspire to be, if not great writers, at least bearable writers.

Episode 4.

The fourth video opened once again with Kim staring into the camera.  She wasted no time launching into her narrative.

“So, after about a month, my husband was able to breath on his own, sit up, and be transferred in and out of bed into a wheelchair.  The decision was made to transfer him to another rehabilitation center, one more focused on relearning life skills instead of just trying to keep them alive.  The transfer went smoothly.  And what a wonderful place it was.

I want to now stop and thank all therapists out there.  You are all heroes.  This new facility would be his home for several months.  Every day he had speech therapy, physical therapy and occupational therapy.  Much of the rest of the time he spent sleeping, just because it wiped him out so much.

Again, I need to thank everyone there.   You are incredible.  Not only do you help restore function, you also help restore dignity to those that have had so much taken from them.  They never treated him like a child.  They involved me and the boys in his therapy.  They were supportive of us, and literally worked miracles with him.  They were truly incredible.  Peter made so much progress.  After a month, he was able to get around in a wheel chair.  And he was able to feed himself. Normal food. To get dressed.  To use the bathroom himself.  He had progressed so far beyond what the doctors had initially said was possible.  He was relearning to read and write and speak.  The only thing that hampered efforts were the fact that Peter’s native language is German.  And I learned that with stroke and brain injury victims that usually a person’s native language is the first to return.  Which made it harder since no one in their speech therapy department was fluent in German.  But I am.  So over that last month I was very involved in his speech therapy sessions.  And while we were primarily working in German, one day he uttered “tree.”  So now, we had to work on speech therapy in two languages.  It was hard on him.  But he did so good.  I was so proud of him.  And then, they said he was ready to go home.  After over 4 months at three different facilities, my husband was coming home.  But that will be for the next episode.  But don’t worry, I have already recorded it.”

Waiting for the braces ! :

Episode 6.

It was two days before there was another video.  Once again, it started with the same background as before.  After smiling at the camera, Kim began speaking.

“So, for everyone watching this, thank you.  And thank you again for your support.  Your well wishes.  And also for your tips and tricks about braces.  There have been a lot of questions too.  So, in the next day or two, I will make a video explaining what I am having done.  And why I am having to do it.  But first, back to my family’s story.

As I stated in my last video, we made the decision that the best thing for Peter was for him to relocate to Germany.  We had actually gone there once before after the aneurysm.  And he just came alive there.  His parents are wonderful.  The most caring and loving people.  And did I mention his mother is a retired doctor?  She is.  And when we were there, it just felt like this was where he belonged.  But what about the boys?  And thus me.  Because I was and am tied to my boys.

At this point, I need to go even further back in time.  To the day we prepared our wills.  I mentioned how neither of us wanted to be kept alive by machines.  There is a little backstory there.  Peter was insistent that day that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to let him go and move on with my life.  I was floored.  And horrified.  I couldn’t even imagine life without him.  He wanted me to promise him.  We quarreled about it the rest of the day because I refused to do so.  But now, I realize he was right.  And maybe even a little pre-cognitive.

It took a few years, but I realized the fairest thing for him was for him to be in his home country near his family and parents.  But what about me?  And our two sons?  Who by now are 5 and 8 and both in school.  With friends.  Was it fair to uproot their lives?

After a lot of prayer, discussion, and tears I made my decision.  I would not relocate the boys to Germany.  However, I wanted to plan the time of the transfer for the summer.  So, we scheduled the move for June.  And we, me and the boys, would spend the summer in Germany with Peter and his family.  This would be positive for all us.  I thought it would help Peter settle into his new situation.  And it would allow us to spend time with Peter.

I want to reiterate we loved Peter.  We still love Peter.  But sometimes, life is just not fair.  To access all of the health and social benefits available to Peter, and for me to be able to live my life here, I had to divorce him.  Or at least be in the process of doing so.  And Peter had to become again a citizen of Germany, with no spouse to support him.  When we started the process of the divorce, we went with an uncontested divorce.  There is a list of reasons, and you have to choose one.  None of them really fit our situation.  But, we had to pick one.  We went with “excessive cruelty”.  No, not excessive cruelty from either Peter or I.  But excessive cruelty from life.

So anyway, after starting the process, and a lot of other preparations, the day of our flight to Germany quickly arrived.  Peter’s mother and father both flew to the states to escort us all back over to Europe.  They were a huge help.  Peter, the best he could, understood what was happening.  And while there was some sadness on his part, there was even more excited.  The whole situation was so conflicting.  But I felt like I had made the best decision for all of us.  Sometimes there is not a great solution for a problem.  There is just a “best” solution.  I think this was the best solution.

So, the flights to Germany went smoothly.  The process of getting settled in was surprisingly easy. The facility that Peter moved into, and is still at, is wonderful.  So wonderful.  And while I had spent some time in Germany, our boys had not.  They had an incredible time.  I could spend a whole video talking about everything we did.  All we saw.  But we involved Peter as much as possible.  I had some wonderful time with Peter.  Our sons also had some incredible time with their father.  And I believe we all made some very good memories.  But time waits for no one.  And eventually, the summer drew to a close   With a lot of tears, we all said our goodbyes.  That was almost a year ago.

So, how are we now?  We are all wonderful.  Myself, my boys, and maybe most importantly Peter are doing great.  Is he the old Peter?   No, and he will never be the old Peter.  But he is still a wonderful man.  And as I mentioned earlier, I do still love him.  You may be wondering do we all still talk?  And see each other?  The answer is absolutely.

I speak with Peter via phone once or twice per week.  And we all facetime; he, myself, and our boys; at least once a month.  Sometimes more.  And we spent the Christmas holidays there. And we will spend some of our summer vacation in Germany.  I plan to do this for, well, forever I guess.  Is it perfect?  No.  Are our lives like I had once envisioned them?  No.  Do I think we have made the best of a horrible situation.  I do.

So back to the divorce.  While we started the ball rolling last year, I couldn’t bring myself to finalize it.  But I had to; we had a year.  And that window was quickly closing.  So last week, I signed the final paperwork.  I was so sad.  I am so sad.  But I also know that it was for the best.  For all of us.  And maybe these videos have been my coping mechanism.  If so, that is fine.  They are a much healthier coping mechanism than the drinking I used in my darkest times.  And you might say “surely this is all just a made up story!”.  Really?  How could someone even make this up. 

Anyway, I honestly can not believe I got through our story in only six videos.  I was certain it would take many more.  And I did leave out lots of details.  But I don’t think I left out any critically important ones. 

And I will apologize.  At times, I felt very disjointed.  That I rambled.  But maybe you understood what I was trying to say.  And thank you for listening.  As hard as it was to talk about, I think it helped me to come to terms with everything. 

I promise I will do a video about my whole orthodontic nightmare.  But until then, fair winds and following seas. Bye bye.”

Episode 7.

The next day another video appeared.  It opened with Kim smiling broadly into the camera, showing off her crowding.  Before she began talking, she opened her mouth and tilted her head back, displaying her very narrow upper arch.  As well as the four blue spacers between her molars and premolars.  She then tilted her head down and displayed her narrow lower arch.  And the blue spacers there as well.  Finally, she closed her mouth and turned her head to the side, showing her face in profile.  Her severe class III underbite and very prominent chin were obvious.  She was a very pretty woman.  But, all the same, it was apparent that her smile could use some work.  She turned back towards the camera and began talking.

“So, I promised you all a video about why I am getting braces.  And oh so much more.  As you could see, maybe if you didn’t even realize it, is that I have a very narrow mouth.  Way too narrow.  And I have a severe crossbite.  And no one can miss my underbite and chin.  All of this has caused me issues.  All of this is causing me issues.  I won’t talk about my childhood.  But I was never able to get this fixed when I was younger.  So now, I have no choice but to do it myself.

I have TMJ, popping of my jaw.  And it is destroying my jaw joints.  And it causes me severe headaches.  I have almost daily headaches.  Some are debilitating.  But there is more.  Because of the way my bite is aligned, and how my teeth hit, I have premature wear on a number of teeth.  I have even cracked a couple, which I have had to have repaired.

I have suffered from this for years, though it has gotten worse recently.  I should have addressed this and fixed it years ago.  But with everything going on, I didn’t have the time, or money, or energy to face it.  But over the past few months things have gotten worse, to the point I have no choice but to address it.  To bite the bullet so to speak.  And to see what I needed to do.

To start, I had consultations with two orthodontists.  Each told me I needed braces and jaw surgery.  Jaw surgery with a significant recovery and down time.  And it is crazy expensive.  I can’t do this as a single mom.  And even if I wanted to, I can’t afford surgery.  I recently consulted with a third orthodontist.  She told me she was confident she could fix me up without surgery.  But she cautioned it would be a long process.  And that I might still need a minor surgery, though it wouldn’t be as intensive or debilitating as the procedures the other doctors had prescribed.  Or nearly as expensive.  But she said she didn’t think I would need it, but she did want to mention it.   So how long will this take?  We are talking three to four years.  And it will be a grueling process.  Because in order to avoid surgery, I need a LOT of gadgets.  I prefer to call them gadgets.  That doesn’t sound nearly as intimidating and scary.  So what are all these gadgets?

To start, in two days I will be getting upper and lower expanders bonded into my mouth.  There will be metal rings, or molar bands as she called them, around my molars. They will go where those little blue things you might have seen in my mouth are.  Those are the Devil spacers.  They are making room between my teeth for the bands.   And then there are arms that will run to the actual screw mechanisms.  My lower one will only be glued in, with the screw behind my lower teeth.  But the upper one?  Because I am adult and because I am dead set on avoiding surgery, it will be both glued into my mouth and screwed into it.  There will be four screws that go through holes near the main crank, which will be in the middle of my palate, and into the roof of my mouth.  The screws are scary long.  They showed me an example of the screws.  And one of Dr. Parker’s; that is who my orthodontist is; assistants is going through the process herself and has one screwed into her mouth. She showed it to me.  She was very frank and earnest with me that it is tough.  Definitely not a cake walk.  That I would have a lisp or speech impediment as she does.  Likely even worse as she only has an upper expander and not a lower too.  But she assured me that it is worth it.  So, I am going to do it.  I have to do something.

But wait!  There is more.  On the upper expander, on the outside of the molar bands, there will be hooks.  I will have to hook elastics to these and wear a reverse pull headgear for 12-16 hours a day.  For at least a year.  Maybe more.  Cassie, that is Dr. Parker’s assistant who is also doing it, showed me hers.  And modeled it for me.  It looked so barbaric.  She said it wasn’t that bad.  But I don’t believe her.  And mine will be even worse.  Because Dr. Parker wants to try to reduce the prominence of my chin, the outside of my chin cup, the part of the reverse pull headgear that will cup and cradle my chin, will also have hooks on the outside of it.  I will have to wear a strap around the top and back of my head that will attach to this chincup.  Dr. Parker showed me an example of it, and explained that it is simply a high pull headgear strap she has slightly modified to be compatible with the headgear.  She said she didn’t often use it, because it is so rough on patients, but I really need it.  And she said if it made me feel better, I wouldn’t be the only one to ever have to wear one.  Or be the only one wearing one now.  Dr. Parker said her own mom, who is in treatment currently too, has to wear one.  And Dr. Parker assured me that, even though it isn’t the most comfortable nor flattering fashion piece, she is managing with it.  So, yeah, I have that to look forward to. 

And finally, and this seems almost anti-climatic, I will get metal brackets on my lower teeth.  Later on, I will need a second expander on my top.  My arch is SO narrow.  We will max out my first expander.  They will then make a new one and replace my old one with it.  And I will expand more.  During expansion, they warned me I will have all kinds of gnarly gaps between my teeth.  Yay me.  She cautioned me that it might look like things are getting worse instead of better for a year or more.  But that is all part of the process.  Finally, when expansion is done in 12-16 months, I will get my upper braces on.  The only good news is that when that happens I will get the arms cut off my upper expander.  And then in another 6 months or so I will have the expanders removed completely.  And then I should “just” have braces for another 18-24 months.  We will see I guess.  Because while I am terrified of this.  And hate the whole idea of it.  I am committed to do it.  I have no choice.

On another note, I mentioned I was never able to have orthodontic treatment when I was younger, I am NOT making that mistake with my boys.  They will be starting orthodontic treatment over the next few months.  So, we will be the three musketeers in braces, expanders, headgears, all kinds of gadgets.  I am going to have to put on a brave face.  I sure don’t want for them to think it is a big deal.  That it is horrible.  Or something to dread.  THAT may be one of the hardest things about this.  Because I know it will be horrible. Heck, Dr. Parker and Cassie said as much, maybe they just didn’t use those exact words.  So, wish me luck.  And if I make a video in the future where I completely break down, please excuse me.  I don’t know how much I will be on camera from here on.  I am already feeling so self conscious about all of this.  And I haven’t even gotten my gadgets yet.  But in less than 48 hours…. Well, I am going to try to not think about it.  Once again, thank you all for listening.  Bye!”