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Author Topic: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2  (Read 2198 times)

Offline Saskia

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Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« on: 25. April 2021, 19:55:09 PM »
Just as Zoë thought she was brave enough  to ask Chris about it, he was called in to surgery for his check up. A young assistent stood in the doorway telling Chris that Simon was ready for him in room 2 and if he had time afterwards totale a look at the new windows that were going to be installed. As Chris stood up he grinned at Zoë and lisped "goodsh  luck, maybe i'll shee you ssoon". Zoë just smiled and noded, hoping  he didn't notice her cheeks turning red as butterflies were tumbling in her belly. It alle became very quite in the waiting area as Chris left. He definitely had something else installed in his mouth besides his metal brackets that is giving him that lisp Zoë thought. Hopefully she was able to catch up with him soon. Shortly after she started daydreaming another assistent called her in. She was led to another room and took place in the chair where the assistent was making preparations for her fixed braces to be installed. Allthough she wanted the braces experience she chosed the lingual brackets because of her job. The brackets were going to be fixed to the inside of her teeth so they wouldn't be so visible. As there wheren't that many orthodontists able to fix braces that way, Zoë found out Dr. Simon Schmitz did. While Mandy, the assistent, was cleaning Zoë's teeth she could here two male voice in the other room. It sounded like they were having a bit of a disagreement. Zoë tried to listen what they were saying but it was hard. The last part she could understand sounded like "oh common Sssimon, you're family. Sshish looksh rrriduloushh"...After that a door got slammed and a couple of minutes later Zoë could see (and hear) Chris riding off on his motorcycle.

Offline Saskia

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #1 on: 25. April 2021, 20:22:01 PM »
Sorry I mistyped sometimes but I'll hope it's still enjoyable to read :)

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #2 on: 25. April 2021, 20:52:36 PM »
I do have one request. When you add a new chapter, please put it with the original chapter so that the story is easy to find. In this case, it should be with https://www.bracesforum.net/general/story-there's-always-a-second-chance/msg130473/#msg130473

Don't worry about the spelling mistakes, the story is fine as it is and I will correct them when I add the latest chapter to TheArchive. If you would like, I can do a proofread of your future chapters, just email the file to me and give me a day or two to send it back.

Offline Saskia

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #3 on: 25. April 2021, 20:57:34 PM »
Sorry Braceface2015 didn't know about that. Thank you!

Online Bryce

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #4 on: 27. April 2021, 22:41:08 PM »
I like the suspense!  Enjoy reading your stories. Keep it up!

Offline Person

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #5 on: 04. May 2021, 19:36:32 PM »
Thanks for writing this! I’m looking forward to see where it goes!

Offline Sparky

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Re: Story - There's always a second chance Part 2
« Reply #6 on: 07. May 2021, 16:19:26 PM »
Saskia.... nice story.

Can I encourage you to break it into separate paragraphs, it would make it a lot easier to read. I appreciate that, for someone not used to writing, it can be hard. A good starting point is to take a breath and read the story. You'll soon find that, after a sentence or three, you brain tells you to pause just there, and take a breath... and often that is a place for a new paragraph.

Also, it is traditional that when the story has people talking, you put the next person's words into a new paragraph.

Or maybe you are moving on to a new idea, a new thought, again, a place for a new paragraph. I'm guessing that BF2015 might do this for you.

Funnily enough
It's the complete opposite problem
Of many young people
Who are used to chatting
When they use very short sentences..
And paragraphs!

When you read other stories, look how they use paragraphs to split things.... ok, different people will do things slightly differently, that's just personal style.

But please do keep writing.... to be honest, I'd rather have a story with no paragraphs, than no story at all.

Also (and I keep getting told this, as i find it frustrating too!) Don't worry if you don't always get feedback on your stories, most people are "consumers", and feel awkward commenting. Just keep an eye on the number of thread views.

And don't worry to much about story content... if you get any form of enjoyment from the actual writing, then why worry about what others think.... but I'll guarantee there will people out there reading and enjoying your story, whether it's about braces or not.

Think of a murder story, in a book or on tv, there will be many bits that are about "building the story background", that are not 100% related to the main thread of the story, but they make the whole thing more interesting.

(So having said that, I need to reinstate some of the bits I wasn't going to include in my current story!!)

Keep up the writing, only stop if the fun stops!