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Author Topic: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work  (Read 7482 times)

Offline Boheme

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Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« on: 22. December 2020, 19:35:04 PM »
Part 1: An appointment is made
 
Elise was always described as happy and very active. Always told how talented she was in school and had a lot of friends.
In high school she did every club she could make time for, and in college she was in a sorority and several other activities.  She was fresh out of college and began work as a high school teacher. She was settling into her new rhythm nicely, and loved the cozy apartment she’d rented just inside of town. It was just 20 minutes away from where she grew up.

Around the beginning of summer her first year, Elise began to have a horrible toothache. Her molars were sensitive and she hated how her teeth were beginning to crowd. After having tried everything she could on her own, she searched online for an affordable dr. who would take her meager insurance.

She came across an ad for Hometown Dentistry; practice in the basement of a posh office building. The doctor, Dr. Brandt was a younger man in his 30’s, and very strict. In the dental community, he was seen as a miracle worker orthodontist who had patients that were “difficult” by most standards. Meaning non-compliant, or poor hygiene. Something our Elise would’ve known if she clicked on the orthodontics page.

She filled out the online forms, and was puzzled when a contract came up.

“I _________________ will hereby hand over my treatment to Dr. Brandt to insure my health and safety through my time with him. I understand that hygiene and compliance are very important to my health”. Hmm… SHe shrugged and signed. Why wouldn’t she go to an award winning doctor that did everything from general dentistry to orthodontics?

A few hours later she gets an email with her appointment time. She nervously puts it into her calendar. 



Offline TimeandBrace

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #1 on: 22. December 2020, 21:52:47 PM »
Heheheh, very nice start!

Oh yes, teamwork does make the dream work. But it also makes a nightmare work, too.~ >:D

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #2 on: 22. December 2020, 21:57:26 PM »
I was going to be the first one to comment, but didn't manage it.

You have the start to what could be a promising story, but there isn't quite enough of it yet to form an opinion. Give us some more to read so that we have some idea of what the story will be.

My next advice is what I give to all new writers, please label the chapters as you post them so that we all know which it is. Eg.  chapter 1, chapter 2, part 1 part 2, etc.

Also, using a spellchecker before posting is a good idea, since they will catch most of the spelling mistakes that are missed.

I frequently find mistakes in the stories that I write, even after I have gone over them several times, so I know how useful they are.

Now to the really important part. Write the story that you want to write, don't worry about what the rest of us think. If you are not happy with the story that you write, it will show in how the story turns out. Take your time writing it, there is no need to rush to post a chapter until you are satisfied with it.

I would like to add your story to TheArchive as soon as there is more of it. I like to get permission from each writer before I add their stories to my collection.

Braceface2015
TheArchive2018

From a technical standpoint, you have made a very good start. Your spelling is good, your sentence structure is good, and when I ran it through Grammarly, there were only a couple of things that showed up and I didn't think that the suggestions were correct or needed.

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #3 on: 22. December 2020, 22:39:06 PM »
I was going to be the first one to comment, but did manage it.

You have the start to what could be a promising story, but there isn't quite enough of it yet to form an opinion. Give us some more to read so that we have some idea of what the story will be.

My next advice is what I give to all new writers, please label the chapters as you post them so that we all know which it is. Eg.  chapter 1, chapter 2, part 1 part 2, etc.

Also, using a spellchecker before posting is a good idea, since they will catch most of the spelling mistakes that are missed.

I frequently find mistakes in the stories that I write, even after I have gone over them several times, so I know how useful they are.

Now to the really important part. Write the story that you want to write, don't worry about what the rest of us think. If you are not happy with the story that you write, it will show in how the story turns out. Take your time writing it, there is no need to rush to post a chapter until you are satisfied with it.

I would like to add your story to TheArchive as soon as there is more of it. I like to get permission from each writer before I add their stories to my collection.

Braceface2015
TheArchive2018

From a technical standpoint, you have made a very good start. Your spelling is good, your sentence structure is good, and when I ran it through Grammarly, there were only a couple of things that showed up and I didn't think that the suggestions were correct or needed.

It's an honor that you would add it and I give full permission to add the future parts of the story to The Archive. I will be labeling the parts to come ❤️

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #4 on: 22. December 2020, 22:40:17 PM »
Heheheh, very nice start!

Oh yes, teamwork does make the dream work. But it also makes a nightmare work, too.~ >:D

I'm glad you like it so far!

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #5 on: 23. December 2020, 00:29:47 AM »
Thank you for giving me permission and I appreciate the willingness to label the chapters. I am looking forward to reading your stories.

Offline jonjon

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #6 on: 23. December 2020, 01:49:21 AM »
Hello boheme good start of your story  please do continue with it 

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #7 on: 23. December 2020, 17:13:03 PM »
Hello boheme good start of your story  please do continue with it

Thank you for the kind words! I'm hoping to update in the next week.

Offline carking

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #8 on: 23. December 2020, 17:21:35 PM »
Great start, looking forward to more!

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #9 on: 23. December 2020, 18:04:22 PM »
Great start, looking forward to more!

I'm glad you like it!

Offline xxxforce

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #10 on: 25. December 2020, 13:44:36 PM »
I'll also say it's a nice beginning, please continue!

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #11 on: 29. December 2020, 23:28:12 PM »
Part 2: Root Canals

Elise stood making her hair into a messy bun in her bathroom. She then brushed and flossed her teeth and took a very close look at them. She never really liked her smile, and really hated going to the dentist. She looked at the time and locked up before going to her car. The drive was beginning to feel very familiar to her. She saw a nice office building and was shaking as she parked; surely she was mistaken. It was where she used to go to the orthodontist in high school and middle school.

She shuddered at the memory.

When Elise was 12 her mother took her to see a Dr. Roman, the orthodontist that every one of her friends used, and every one of them hated. He was an old man who was very strict. His treatment room was the same as it had been in the ‘70s probably, and had an open layout. She was often humiliated as he scolded her about not wearing her elastics and her hygiene. Dr. Roman's goal was to have a smile that was perfect and that would be done in a slower fashion to encourage more control as the teeth moved. He ignored when children begged and promise to do better. He would never tell them what he was doing, just their parents.

What made patients especially uneasy was his cheerful disposition during speaking to parents, and how that would change when they were non-compliant.

Headgear was an especially sore subject for Elise. When it was suggested she wear it, she was 14 and just beginning high school. Dr. Roman advised wearing the headgear when she was non-compliant with her rubber bands. She was left a sobbing mess when her mother agreed to have the headgear wired in and springs placed. It added a year to her treatment and it wouldn’t come off until the last three months of braces when she was 16, almost 17.

She swore after moving to college she would never go near Dr. Roman again, and religiously wore her retainer nightly for about a year. During a move, the retainer was lost, and she kept putting off calling until she just shrugged it off. Her teeth looked good still, and there was no way that she was going back to see Dr. Roman.

Present Day:

Elise took a breath and tried to slow her breathing as she walked down that horribly familiar hallway. Her body let out a sigh of relief though when she saw that Dr. Roman wasn't there, but Dr. Brandt had totally remodeled everything. The waiting room had a play area, comfortable chairs to wait in, and a cute little reception window. She walked over and smiled at the receptionist.  She had curly red hair that was long and beautiful and smiled showing a full mouth of banded braces.

K: "Hi, I'm Kara, are you Elise?"

E: I am, thank you!

K: Welcome to our practice. I see that you signed all the forms? Wow, we don’t usually have adults who do that on their own.

Kara looks confused as she looks over the paperwork.

E: I thought it would save time.

Elise sits down and noticed a few patients going in and out of the office. Most looked upset, and a few of the teens had headgear just like she did. "Thank God I'm just here for my toothache," she thought to herself.

The door opened and a beautiful assistant escorted out a teenager with a mouth of metal. She spoke to their parents advising that now she was in their care that her appliances would be wired in and she would come every four weeks. Elise looked down and felt relieved when her name was called.

The hygienist assigned to her had beautiful black hair, olive skin, and wore her hair in a tight bun. Her blue scrubs fit well, and she seemed very friendly as she walked Elise through the door. Her smile was blinding white and showed gorgeous teeth.

“I’m Hannah and I’ll be cleaning your teeth and assisting Dr. Brandt during your time here.” the hygienistst said, leading her down a hall of rooms with closed doors. The back was completely different than she remembered it being which gave her great relief. She and Hannah chatted to her about being a patient of the previous doctor and how nice it was to see so many changes.

Hannah brought Elise to the very back room that was labeled Consult. X-rays were taken, and Hannah began what would be one of the most thorough cleanings Elise ever experienced. She frowned as Hannah scraped her gum line and gripped the chair when her sensitive teeth were scaled.

After 30 mins of cleaning, a tall man in his late 30’s walked in. He stood over Elise who was reclined and getting her mouth rinsed out. “I’m Dr. Brandt, welcome to our practice!” He waved and studied her X-rays then sat at her side with his lap under her head.

“She has two visible cavities, Dr. and needs to improve on hygiene, “ Hannah said while Dr. Brandt pulled up his mask. With a deep voice he smiled behind the mask and spoke, “we’ll get there. Now I hear that you have some sensitive teeth?”

Elise nodded and pointed to her left side where the pain was and answered questions about her dental history. Dr. Brandt looked at her mouth for several minutes and rattled off a lot of numbers and notes to Hannah. She was made to bite a lot and move her jaw certain ways. She was confused but figured he was being thorough.

“Elise, you have two very deep cavities that will require root canals I’m afraid. I also see some more work that we will talk about in a bit.” Elise could only grunt her understanding. A dam and block were placed, and before she knew it Dr. Brandt was drilling. The procedure took two hours; midway Hannah smiled behind her mask. “Dr, Elise said she was a patient of your uncle’s. Isn’t that neat?”

“It is! Orthodontics I assume?” Elise gave a grunt indicating he was correct. “Well, we will have to see how you’ve done since you were a patient last.” Elise tried to object but the dam and drill stopped her.

When Dr. Brandt was done he sat Elise up and typed into a computer stationed in the room. He looked over at her and smiled. “I see that you were given retainers by my uncle...Your parents signed a compliance contract; interesting.”

Elise spoke with a garbled tone due to the numbing. “I wasn’t good at my elastics back then.”

Dr. Brandt scooted his chair over and reclined her once more. Elise’s eyes opened wide as the light was brought down again. "Hannah, can you reschedule my afternoon appointments?"

Offline danfan209

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #12 on: 30. December 2020, 00:45:37 AM »
very nice looking forward to the next story

Offline TimeandBrace

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #13 on: 30. December 2020, 01:27:29 AM »
Ah, this is getting better and better with each chapter.


Oh, something i noticed, in chapter 1, you put that the doctor was in his 60's.

Quote
She came across an ad for Hometown Dentistry; practice in the basement of a posh office building.
The doctor, Dr. Brandt was an older man in his 60’s, and very strict.


However, in chapter 2, he's in his 30's?  ???

Quote
After 30 mins of cleaning, a tall man in his late 30’s walked in.
He stood over Elise who was reclined and getting her mouth rinsed out. “I’m Dr. Brandt, welcome to our practice!”

Offline panda777

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Re: Story: Team Work Makes the Dream Work
« Reply #14 on: 30. December 2020, 02:48:13 AM »
I'm enjoying this so far! I love the mix of professionalism and sadism from the dental staff, and Kara and Hannah sound very cute, I hope they play a large role later on! Can't wait to see what they have in store for Elise, and I wonder what the compliance contract entails...