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Author Topic: STORY: Samuel  (Read 6072 times)

Offline Sgbraced

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STORY: Samuel
« on: 10. November 2021, 14:26:27 PM »
Hello everyone, my first attempt at writing something .Please give me feedback .


Samuel had just crossed 30. Just about settled, working at a  reputed company as an engineer .He had a flat, a nice on the main road and a good salary which allowed him to live more than comfortably .As of now, he had no problems in life .One day while sitting at a bar at night, he saw a girl in a white dress opposite to her .She was probably younger than him , maybe three or four years. He went over to her ." Hey" .
" Hey there, how are you  today ?
" Oh im fine. Thank you. Would you like me to buy you a drink? " Sorry, not now ! ."  She said . Sara, that was the girls name .Soon,  they parted their ways .Fortune brought them together again .It was at the supermarket .She was at an aisle , in the toothpastes section .He had no toothpaste left, so he was there too ."Hey, didn' t we meet at the bar two days ago" ." Yes"  she said, smiling, revealing a full set  of braces on her teeth, with golden wires .That night , he had seen them too but was too drunk to register much .Now he saw them  in all of its glory .She also seemed to have something like a spring on her lower teeth .When she spoke again, he heard it clearly .She also had a small lisp ." Um do you want a cofee or something"  She said ." Sure" .Two hot cappucinos in front of them, and a grilled cheese sandwhich for him, they talked for some time about general things ." Oh , she said just when she was about to sip the coffee.I forgot to take off my bands .How unmindful ! She put her finger in her mouth and something snapped .She took out two small rubberbands, which were inside her mouth out and placed them in a small sealed bag ." I' m an orthodontist, you know" , she said .

Offline acornjohn2001

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #1 on: 10. November 2021, 15:20:10 PM »
Very good start, Samuel, go on, please!

Offline bracessd

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #2 on: 10. November 2021, 17:16:14 PM »
Nice job, keep it going

Offline blueblur1997

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #3 on: 10. November 2021, 18:35:00 PM »
This story should be good.

Offline duncombec

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #4 on: 10. November 2021, 23:35:05 PM »
Very good start to the storyline - I look forward to reading more!

The only nit-picky thing I would comment on is that the spaces seem to be before your punctuation, rather than after - but that's easily editable and doesn't detract... after all, it's the storyline and characters that matter most!

Offline Sparky

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #5 on: 11. November 2021, 00:05:16 AM »
I just noticed that you only joined the forum back in August, so well done on starting a story so soon after joining!

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #6 on: 11. November 2021, 05:19:07 AM »
Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented !

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #7 on: 11. November 2021, 06:01:18 AM »
CHAPTER 2 :
Samuel seemed unperturbed.He had never had any sort of orthodontic treatment done to him, and was relatively unconcerned about anything related to his teeth.They were quite misaligned, and also he did not care much about brushing.They were  covered in plaque.He was not sure how to react to her ." Oh thats great, you look quite young to be an orthodontist".  " Yes I have received similar comments from others too , I passed just a year back " Samuel now felt a sudden urge in him to leave.His own mouth was very different compared to Sara.He did feel a bit insecure .However, he  did stick around and spend some more time talking about other things .And then  she went on her way .The next saturday, he was driving to the bank .Something related to his salary.On the way he stopped a traffic signal .Slowly, a beige coloured car rode  up and stopped right beside him .It was  a new car, it looked like  an expensive one too .One glance to his left and he could see.It was her.Inside the car.Probably, she had not seen him .She opened her mouth and put her hands in to  do something .Probably taking out the bands , he thought .The reflection of the setting sun on the  front glass made  her golden brackets sparkle .It was a mesmerising feeling .Samuel sat back ,transfixed.Admiring the girl who he had met only once  or twice .And yet when she opened her mouth , some unknown feeling took over him .He could feel it, crawling up , making his legs shiver, slowly creeping to his upper body, giving him goosebumps when suddenly ..... boom .The signal turned green, and the car whizzed past .Utter dejection .At the bank , samuel received some more  bad news .His salary had been slashed  due to his company  suffering a big loss at business .Two dejections.Two losses .He stepped out of the bank, tripped outside the gate trying to walk quickly,and fell .Suddenly he heard a voice ." Is it you? "said the voice .  He raised his head a little.He saw her .She was standing .Right there .Above her.Looking down .

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #8 on: 11. November 2021, 10:41:02 AM »
I've done this with other stories. All I did was fix the spacing and separate the sentences so that who is talking is easier to follow.





Samuel

By SGBraced

Chapter 1


Samuel had just passed 30. Just about settled, working at a reputed company as an engineer. He had a flat, a nice one on the main road, and a good salary which allowed him to live more than comfortably. As of now, he had no problems in life. One day, while sitting at a bar at night, he saw a girl in a white dress opposite to him. She was probably younger than him, maybe three or four years. He went over to her. " Hey."

"Hey there, how are you today?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Thank you. Would you like me to buy you a drink?"

"Sorry, not now!" she said. Sara, that was the girl's name. Soon, they parted their ways.

Fortune brought them together again. It was at the supermarket. She was at an aisle, in the toothpaste section. He had no toothpaste left, so he was there too. "Hey, didn't we meet at the bar two days ago?"

"Yes," she said, smiling, revealing a full set of braces on her teeth, with golden wires.

That night, he had seen them too, but was too drunk to register much. Now he saw them in all of their glory. She also seemed to have something like a spring on her lower teeth. When she spoke again, he heard it clearly. She also had a small lisp. "Um, do you want a coffee or something," she said.

"Sure." Two hot cappuccinos in front of them, and a grilled cheese sandwich for him, they talked for some time about general things.

"Oh,” she said just when she was about to sip the coffee. “I forgot to take off my bands. How careless!” She put her finger in her mouth and something snapped. She took out two small rubberbands, which were inside her mouth and placed them in a small sealed bag. "I'm an orthodontist, you know," she said.

Chapter 2

Samuel seemed unperturbed. He had never had any sort of orthodontic treatment done to him, and was relatively unconcerned about anything related to his teeth. They were quite misaligned, and also he did not care much about brushing. They were covered in plaque. He was not sure how to react to her. "Oh, that's great, you look quite young to be an orthodontist."

"Yes, I have received similar comments from others too, I passed just a year back."

Samuel now felt a sudden urge in him to leave. His own mouth was very different compared to Sara's. He did feel a bit insecure. However, he did stick around and spend some more time talking about other things. And then she went on her way.

The next Saturday, he was driving to the bank. Something related to his salary. On the way, he stopped at a traffic signal. Slowly, a beige-coloured car rode up and stopped right beside him. It was a new car, it looked like an expensive one too. One glance to his left and he could see it was her inside the car. Probably, she had not seen him. She opened her mouth and put her hands in to do something. Probably taking out the bands, he thought. The reflection of the setting sun on the front glass made her golden brackets sparkle. It was a mesmerising feeling. Samuel sat back, transfixed. Admiring the girl who he had met only once or twice. And yet when she opened her mouth, some unknown feeling took over him. He could feel it, crawling up, making his legs shiver, slowly creeping to his upper body, giving him goosebumps when suddenly ..... boom. The signal turned green, and the car whizzed past. Utter dejection. At the bank, Samuel received some more bad news. His salary had been slashed due to his company suffering a big loss at business. Two dejections. Two losses. He stepped out of the bank, tripped outside the gate trying to walk quickly, and fell. Suddenly he heard a voice.

"Is it you?” said the voice. He raised his head a little. He saw her. She was standing. Right there. Above him. Looking down.

Chapter 3

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I think so, I was a bit tense so I think I tripped."

She helped him up.

"Your leg must hurt, I can give you a ride if you want, I'm heading to my clinic now."

Samuel agreed. Though his house was on the opposite end of the town, he said he was going to someplace close, so he could accompany her. He saw the car. The very car he was looking at an hour ago was in front of him. Soon he was in it. Sitting right next to her. It was a very expensive car, with all the great amenities. The interior looked very sleek.

"Is it yours, this car?

"No, the owner is my father, but I use it."

Anyways, once inside the car, she talked of life, where she grew up and more. Samuel liked her attitude. She seemed carefree and very jovial.

Then, Samuel asked her something he had been waiting for for quite some time - "Your braces look so good."

"Oh, they do? Thank you! Since I am an orthodontist myself, I do take extra care of my teeth, you know."

"I understand."

Soon his destination came. Just as he was getting out, he said, "You know, I think I really like you!"

She blushed. "Would you like to go on a date?" she said.

"Absolutely."

They decided on a date and time, and parted. Some bad news came to Samuel soon. His company had to shut down for huge business losses. He had lost his job. Still, he went to the date looking as happy as he could. On the date, she was wearing a lovely satin dress. They had a chitchat over life, and then Samuel asked something that was at the back of his mind for some time.

"What do you think of my teeth?”

"They look like they need to be in a cage," she joked.

He explained that he had never really cared about his teeth and was considering treatment.

"You know I had a job, but I lost it two days back. So I think I won't be able to pay for treatment. Just my luck!"

She then consoled him. "You know, I am actually interested in your case. I am actually researching some new orthodontic appliances, and I am looking for patients. You know, give me your number, I will call you back real soon."

For Samuel, it was Sara in totality. Yes, her braces did compliment her, but it was the charm, the aura, the beauty of her personality that he liked too. Still, he liked her braces too. And now she was also helping him.

"I do not know anything about the cost of orthodontic treatment you know, but actually could I pay in monthly installments? It would help my purse at the moment."

"Oh, don't worry about money. Come to my office at 9 A.M sharp on Thursday and we will talk more."

Thursday morning came soon. Samuel was tense. Yet he could not resist the urge of meeting her.

Chapter 4

It was a spacious clinic. When he entered, it was empty. He was there at 8:30. It looked clean, and there were posters of braces dos and don'ts, what is a root canal, etc. A young-looking man entered.

"Who might you be, sir?”

"Oh, I'm Samuel. Sara told me to come today."

"You mean Dr. Ferguson?"

Damn, he did not know her surname. Yet it must be her. This Dr. Ferguson seemed to Samuel some different entity, someone whom he never knew. And yet, it was her. It was his Sara.

"Yes, I think so."

"But don't you know, Dr.Ferguson does not arrive till 10."

"Oh, but she told me to be here at 9"

"Oh, then it must be for the preparations, please take the door to the left. There,  necessary instructions shall be given. And before you go, do sign this sheet."

The sheet said 'Compliance Form'. In the fine print, a lot of things were written. He did not think much. He signed it.

He entered the room. It was an average-sized room, with white walls and a white recliner, where he laid down. Suddenly there was a smell. His sixth sense said something was wrong. Suddenly he felt nauseated. He soon lost consciousness. Sara entered the room soon after, put him on the seat, and began his treatment. Her assistant, the man who had greeted Samuel, was standing beside her. It was her brother, Richard. He was an orthodontist too.

When Samuel woke up, he was in a room. But it was a different room, much larger. He was lying down. Some distance in from him was a door. He got up, but felt weak. It was like a headache. He slowly made his way to the door and opened it. It was the reception. He was at the same clinic. Yet something felt weird. He made his way to a mirror close by. He opened his mouth. He was utterly shocked. Two of his canines had been extracted. A blue-coloured something had been placed on most of his back teeth. A huge rake-like thing was attached to the roof of his mouth. Before he could think of anything, he took out his phone. It was 1:30 PM.

"Hi, Samuel. I know you are feeling a bit surprised, but you see, I had seen your teeth and had to start right away. So, if you will accompany me to my room, I can explain everything."

He did not look back. He could see her reflection in the mirror. Dr. Sara Ferguson, standing in all her glory.

Chapter 5

"Let me explain what has been done to your mouth."

Samuel was both shocked and weirdly surprised. His mouth felt different. He felt there was a new sort of pleasure, the girl whom he had come to love, sitting in front of him flashing a golden smile with two pink rubberbands. It was a wonderful feeling, but marred by the pain in his mouth that slowly began to increase.

"Firstly, we have extracted both the canines in your top jaw. They were too misaligned to treat in any way."

Two teeth. Gone. Completely gone. Samuel thought of it. He was indeed a bit startled.

"Next I move on to your spacers. I have added spacers to 7 teeth in the top and bottom jaw, 14 in total. They felt very weird, when I had them, I remember the annoying feeling. However, your spacers have a specific feature, specially designed by me. You see, your spacers have an adhesive on them. They have a special affinity for sugary foods. Do you know why?"

"No, no idea!"

"You see, with braces, there are certain foods you will have to avoid. Most common among them are sugary foods like candy, cola, etc. If you eat any of these with my special spacers, the surface of these spacers will absorb the sugar on the surface and form a coating, making it very difficult for you to close your jaws. The more sugar you consume the thicker the spacers will get!"

"What about sugar in my coffee? Or just normal sugar in other foods?"

"At your own risk!!"

Samuel thought for a moment. He had got himself into something more serious than what he thought it was.

"You see, what I want is to ensure is that you follow what I say. I can go to any length to ensure that. Next is your automated tongue tamer, which runs on a battery. Let me explain that."

Samuel was in trouble. He knew.

"The tongue tamer right now has four spikes. It runs on a battery and has a sensor in it to check how much you are thrusting your tongue. The more you thrust it, more spikes from the appliance will come out. There are 8 more spikes inside, so be careful, or you will end up with 12 spikes, and that I can promise you won't be nice!"

Samuel said, "Wath about my paymenth?" He then realised he was lisping with that huge thing in his mouth.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about money. Since you are my test patient, I am going to be trying out a lot of these new appliances on you. As a favour, your treatment will be completely free of cost. The contract clearly mentioned this. Did you not read that?"

"No."

Samuel booked another appointment in 2 weeks, and left. In a few hours, his life had completely changed.

Offline Sparky

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #9 on: 11. November 2021, 19:41:36 PM »
So, one thing I notice about your story is that it is "compact". Does that really matter? No, not at all!!!

You have introduced the two participants in the story. We already know what they do. We just learnt that one of them gets nice feelings from seeing a pretty woman in braces. And they just met for a third time, in awkward circumstances.

What more could we want?


Keep up the good work!!

Offline blueblur1997

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #10 on: 11. November 2021, 21:48:24 PM »
I'm liking where this is going.

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #11 on: 12. November 2021, 06:27:56 AM »
CHAPTER 3:

" Are you ok ? "

" Yes I think so, i was a bit tensed so i think I tripped "

She helped her up .

" Your leg must  hurt, I can give you a ride if you want , Im heading to my clinic now" .

Samuel agreed .Though his house was on the opposite end of the town, he said he was going to someplace close , so he could accompany her .He saw the car .The very car he was looking at an hour ago was in front of him .Soon he was in it .Sitting right next to her .It was a very expensive car, with all great amentities .The interiors looked very sleek .

" Is it yours , this car?

" No the owner is my father, but I use it"

Anyways once  inside the car she talked of life, where she grew up and more .Samuel  liked her attitude .She seemed carefree and very jovial .

Then, Samuel asked her something he had been waiting for quite some time - " Your braces looks so good "

" Oh they do?Thank you ! Since I am an orthodontist myself, I do take extra care of my teeth, you know "

" I understand " .

Soon his destination came .Just as he was getting down, he said-
" You know, I think I really like you ! "

She blushed .

"Would you like to go on a date" she said

" Absolutely"

They decided on a date and time, and parted.Some bad news  came to Samuel soon. His company had to shut down for huge business losses .He had lost his job .Still, he went to the date looking as happy as he could .At the date, she was wearing a lovely satin dress .They had a chitchat over life, and then Samuel asked  something that was at the back of his mind for some time

" What do you think of my teeth?

 " They look like they need to be in a cage" she joked

He explained that he had never really cared about his teeth and was considering treatment .

" You know i had a job, but I lost it two days back .So i think I wont be able to pay for treatment .Just my luck ! "
She then consoled him .

" You know, I am actually interested in your case .I am actually researching about some new orthodontic appliances, and  I am looking for patients .You know, give me your number, I will call you back real soon ."

For samuel it was Sara in totality .Yes, her braces did complement her, but it was the charm, the aura, the beauty of her personality that he  liked too.Still , he  like her braces too.And now she was also helping her .

  " I do not  know anything about the cost of orthodontic treatment you know, but actually could I pay in monthly installments ?It would help my purse at the moment"

" Oh dont worry about money.Come to my office at 9 A.M sharp on  thursday and we will talk more ."

Thurday morning came soon .Samuel was tensed .Yet he could not resist the urge of meeting her .

Offline bracessd

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #12 on: 12. November 2021, 17:36:19 PM »
This will get interesting with her saying that she's "researching new appliances"! Looking forward to him being a test case and seeing what happens!

Offline blueblur1997

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #13 on: 12. November 2021, 19:01:59 PM »
I wonder what goodies he's going to get.

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #14 on: 12. November 2021, 22:12:20 PM »
I have been given permission to add the story to TheArchive. As more chapters get posted, they will appear in TheArchive as one file.

It's nice to have a new writer join the others that are already posting.

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #15 on: 13. November 2021, 04:40:09 AM »
Thank you everyone for the enthusiasm .It keeps motivating me to write one chapter every day!

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #16 on: 14. November 2021, 04:36:58 AM »
CHAPTER FOUR :

It was a spacious clinic .When he entered  it was empty .He was there at 8: 30.It looked clean , abd there were posters of braces dos and donts, what is a root canal, etc .A young looking man entered .

" Who might you be, sir? "

" Oh i' m Samuel .Sara told me to come today "

" You mean Dr. Ferguson? "

Damn, he did not know her surname .Yet it must be her .This Dr .Ferguson seemed to Samuel some different entity, someone whom he  never  knew .And yet, it was her  It was his Sara .

" Yes, I think so "

" But dont you know, Dr.Ferguson  does not arrive till 10 "

" Oh but she told me to be here at 9 "

" Oh then it must be for the preparations , please take the door to left .There,  necessary instructions shall be given .And before you go, do sign this sheet "

The sheet said- Compliance Form .In fine print lot of things were written .He did not think much .He signed it .

He entered the room .It was  an average sized room, with white walls and white recliner , where he laid down .Suddenly there was a smell .His sixth sense said something was wrong .Suddenly he felt nauseatic .He soon lost consiousness.Sara entered the room soon after, put him on the seat, and began his treatment .Her assistant , the man who had greeted Samuel was standing beside her .He was her brother, Richard .He was an orthodontist too.

When Samuel woke up , he was in a room.But it was a different room, much larger .He was lying down .Some distance in  from him was a door  .He got up, but felt  weak .It was like a headache .He slowly made his way to the door, and opened it .It was the reception .He was at the same clinic .Yet something felt weird .He made his way to a mirror closeby .He opened his mouth .He was utterly shocked .Two of his canines had been extracted .A blue coloured something had been placed on most of his back teeth .A huge rake like thing was attached to the roof of his mouth . Before he could think of anything , he took out his phone .It was 1: 30  PM .

" Hi, Samuel .I know you are feeling a bit surprised ,but you see I had seen your teeth and had to start right away .So, If you will accompany me my room, I can explain everything " .

He did not look back .He could see her reflection in the mirror . Dr.Sara Ferguson , standing in all her glory.

Offline YBNO

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #17 on: 14. November 2021, 21:07:18 PM »
Great story so far, and even better with the help of Braceface2015s spacing :)

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #18 on: 14. November 2021, 23:44:25 PM »

Offline annasun251

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #19 on: 15. November 2021, 14:50:34 PM »
Nice story so far! Can't wait for more!

Offline Sgbraced

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #20 on: 16. November 2021, 18:35:14 PM »
CHAPTER FIVE:

" Let me explain what has been  done  to your mouth  ."

Samuel was both shocked and weirdly surprised .His mouth felt different.He felt there was a new sort of pleasure , the girl whom he had come to love, sitting in front of him flashing a golden smile with two pink rubberbands.It was a wonderful feeling, but marred by the pain in his mouth that slowly began to increase .

"Firstly we have extracted both your canines of your top jaw .They were too misaligned to treat in anyway "

Two teeth .Gone .Completely gone .Samuel thought of it .He was indeed a bit startled .

"Next I move on to your spacers .I have added to spacers to 7 teeth in the top and bottom jaw, 14 in total .They feel very weird, when I had them, I remember the annoying feeling.However your spacers have a specific feature, specially designed by me .You see your spacers have an adhesive on it .They have a special affinity for sugary foods .Do you know why?  "

" no, no idea ! "

" You see, with braces, there are certain foods you will have to avoid .Most common among them are sugary foods like candy, cola etc .If you eat any of these with my special spacers, the surface of these spacers will adsorb the sugar on the surface and form a coating, making it very difficult for you to close your jaws .The more sugar you consume the spacers will get thicker !"

" What about sugar in my coffee? Or just normal sugar in other foods ? "

" At your own risk !!"

Samuel thought for a moment .He had got himself into something more serious  than what he thought it was .

" You see, what I want is to ensure is that you follow what I say .I can go to any length to ensure that .Next is your automated tongue tamer, which runs on a battery.Let me explain that . "

 Samuel was in trouble .He knew .

" The tongue tamer right now has four spikes .It runs on a battery, and has a sensor in it to check how much you are thrusting your tongue .The more you thrust it, more spikes from the appliance will come out .There are 8 more spikes inside , so be careful, or you will end up with 12 spikes, and that I can promise you wont be nice ! "

 Samuel said- " Wath about my paymenth?"
He then realised he was lisping with that huge thing in his mouth .

" Oh you dont need to worry about money .Since you are my test patient, I am going to be trying out a lot of these new appliances on you .As a favour, your treatment will be completely free of cost .The contract clearly mentioned this .Did you not read that? "

" No "

Samuel booked another appointment in 2 weeks time, and left .In a few hours his life had completely changed .

Offline LispLover

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #21 on: 16. November 2021, 19:24:33 PM »
Great story so far. Can’t wait to read more.

Offline bracessd

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #22 on: 17. November 2021, 17:00:38 PM »
Awesome!

Offline acornjohn2001

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #23 on: 18. November 2021, 08:02:22 AM »
I like it so much!

Offline firesonga

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #24 on: 10. December 2021, 17:00:09 PM »
Hoping we see more of this story eventually. I have enjoyed it so far.

Offline silver-moon-2000

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #25 on: 10. December 2021, 19:20:22 PM »
Hoping we see more of this story eventually. I have enjoyed it so far.

I can only second that. I love tech gizmos  >:D

Offline Augie

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #26 on: 03. January 2022, 06:07:18 AM »
This is a unique twist on some classic story elements - would love to read more!

Offline Lithpkith

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #27 on: 20. January 2022, 01:43:43 AM »
Interesting angle, I like it!! Can we have some more, please?

Offline Milva

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Re: STORY: Samuel
« Reply #28 on: 04. July 2022, 11:17:23 AM »
Great story!

Plesa any more chapters coming?

You just stop at the most interesting point :D