BracesForum.net
English => General => Topic started by: MagnetMouth on 15. November 2020, 02:47:11 AM
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Well this has been quite a hectic past month… my name is Daniel, and i have just turned 18 years old and living in north london with my mum and stepdad. It was Friday and the last day before the Christmas holidays began, i woke up to the sound of my stepdad thudding into the house. My stepdad and i never really got on, i mean i respected the guy as he was the only one bringing funds into the house and without him mum and i would be homeless. Its not as though we live in a mansion or even just a large house, in fact we live in a small flat that we rent out cheap due to the history of murders that occurred within it, but hey in my opinion that just makes the place more interesting. My mum got married to the guy about 6 months ago after dating for a little over a year, but he was never really the type to get along with kids so we sort of just kept out of each others way and minded our own business. I climbed out of bed and made my way into the kitchen to pour myself a bowl of cereal to be greeted by my mum giving me a rib cracking hug. She announced with gusto that she was of course so very glad that it was almost the christmas holidays and that she couldn't not wait to have me all to herself. I returned the love with a little less gusto and began to eat my cereal, with her pouring herself a cup of coffee. She suddenly turned to me her eyes wide and sparkling and started apologising profusely, i was quite startled by this sudden change in behaviour and she quite clearly picked up on it, as she told me that yesterday she was supposed to let me know that she and Steve (my stepdad) had prepared a surprise for me today and that i was supposed to let my teachers know that i would need to leave early in advance! This news really made the day so much sweeter not only was it the last day of school but also i would be leaving early for a surprise! She wrote me a note and told me to hand it to the teacher that i had during the lesson at 10 past 12 and that i would need to meet Steve outside the front office where he would be waiting for me, she then handed me a contract and asked me to sign it, of course i did in an instant. Ecstatic by this elevating news i kissed my mum goodbye and raced out of the apartment to meet my (only) friend, Peter.
Peter was waiting outside his apartment when i nearly knocked into him almost knocking the science project we had been working on for months out of his hands. Oh did i forget to mention, im a massive nerd, social reject, inventer and obsessed with trying to fid a way around the 1st law of thermodynamics by creating a fusion reactor! After telling Peter about my insane luck for today during the walk to school we started theorising as to what the upcoming surprise might be. Whilst i thought it might be some sort of holiday Peter disagreed saying that its unlikely to be something that ill planned and was most definitely some sort of early Christmas present. Once we had made the trek to school Peter made me promise to meet him outside his apartment at 5 to show him the surprise and not wishing to start a second argument reluctantly, i complied. I was waiting in my tutor room for the bell to sound first period, science class my absolute favourite, when those girls came in, i think you know the ones im talking about, the ones that are always waaaay out of your league and don't even acknowledge your existence let alone talk to you… i tried to advert my attention to the book i was reading but it was quite the struggle. Thankfully i was saved of torturing myself with what could never be when the sound of the bell signalled the first period.
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Part 2 coming if requested ;)
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Oh, I think we'd quite like a second part... After all, we want to know what the surprise is! ;D
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Nice start of this story... and I agreed to duncombec that we want to know what the surprise is
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Yes please!
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Chapter 2
Oral Or Optical
First and second period had come and gone so fast that hours felt like minutes. The anticipation that i felt whilst waiting for the surprise was intense, it was so rare that my mum would make such a big fuss over something and i just could wait to to be going on holiday, i had very recently looked online at the local campsite and found that it would be an excellent place to stay. it was 12 oclock on the dot and i just could not stand waiting any longer, i put up my hand to be excused from the maths class when Mr O’Carol had just looked up, he sighed, bathroom again Daniel? He asked, No sir i replied, handing him my note. He responded with a shrug and allowed my to leave. Buzzing with excitement i half speedwalked half skipped towards front office where i was met by my stepdad Steve and a cold emotionless smile which was about as much as i ever got out of him. I followed behind as he led me into the back of his brand new company car and we took off in the direction of the main city…
So, i asked ecstatically, where are we going? Your mum made me promise not to tell you he replied in a gruff voice. And so there we sat for the entire half hour journey just waiting to arrive in silence, i let my mind wander as to what surprise could be in store for me but i felt sure that with the amount of hype that was being built up that it would far top being let out of school earlier! We stopped abruptly outside a small rundown shop at the end of the highstreet and walked inside, it had no name on the front door and if ill be honest looked as though i was entering some sort of drug lord den. Steve led me down some stairs to under neath the shop where there was a cheery looking receptionist standing behind a mahogany desk wearing a white lab coat Steve spoke with her for about a minute muttering something about a double appointment one optical and one oral, looking back on it it should have been quite obvious it meant bad news but at the time i just assumed it was some sort of code, the receptionist called out to me to follow her into the back room with Steve, i entered this starkly clinical looking room with an eye chart on the wall and 2 seats on either side of the room each with heavy wall mounted machinery hanging from above… is this really what the surprise was supposed to be, an eye test? I had not been for an eye test since i was 7 and cant remember much from the appointment other than reading letters off a chart, nevertheless i did as i was told and sat down as a machine blew air in my eyes, it made them quite dry and i felt an irresistible urge to rub them. The receptionist then softly asked me to look through the goggles hanging from the wall and read out the letters, i did this a couple of times as they tried out different lenses, all in all the process took about half an hour. After a bit of consulting the receptionist/optician whispered something to Steve and then took me through a door to my right into another room that was still clinical white, but this one was filled with rows of glasses, the optician briefly explained that i would need to wear glasses from now on to correct my vision, i tried to protest saying that it was a mistake and that i have never needed to wear glasses before but she then pointed out that i have not been for many years, she steered me down an isle and found a mirror for me to try some on in, she took out a pair of square golden glasses and told me to try them, i put them on sheepishly but then promply found they rather suited me, the optician however took them off before i had a chance to protest exclaiming that they ‘werent my style’ instead pulling out a pair of thick round steel rimmed glasses with 2 arches upon it, the sort that were fashionable back in the 1980s! She put them on for me and much to my disgust discovered that they made me look like a freak, i recoiled at the mere sight of them hardly daring to look at my own reflections, it might sound like a bit over dramatic but it was honestly how i felt. The optician announced that they were perfect and steered me by the shoulders towards where my stepdad was waiting, to my shock and horror he nodded his approval and went to purchase my new glasses leaving my standing there gobsmacked. The optician replaced the glass filler pannels with my more thick prescription ones and put them on my face. She explained to my stepdad that i was required by law to wear my glasses when driving and crossing roads and explained that as they are prescription glasses they need to be worn all the time…
I was just standing there trying to process what had just happened over the past 5 minutes when my stepdad took me by the hand and practically dragged me out of the room and up the stairs, we then proceeded to climb a second flight of stairs into a second waiting room with a second receptionist sitting behind her desk. She seemed to be wearing some sort of harness that was attached to a thick metal bar around the outside of her face! I shivered and tried to look away from her as she looked up and asked for my name, i quietly murmured, Daniel, and looked into her eyes in pure fear. She said that I should go in now to meet Dr Taylor whilst my stepdad stayed in the reception room. I shuffled into the room behind her and she closed the door behind me leaving me trapped in this white cell with just a desk and a patient chair in the middle of the room, it was in that moment when I truly realised that the pain was about to get worse. I climbed onto the patient chair as instructed and Dr Taylor began reclining it, she smiled sweetly and exclaimed that she liked my new glasses as she put the lip spreader in my mouth, she began to explain that i would be receiving treatment here under the instructions from my parents and that i shouldn't worry as my parents had already informed her practice of my phobia of orthodontia and that it was because of that that i would be marked as a behavioural case. She explained that it was all in the contract that i signed, rolling her eyes. It was then that i felt a small prick in the side of my arm, i went to turn my head to see what it was but as i did i began to feel this numbness spreading up the side of my body, I began to try to shout you bastards! But all that came out was this inaudible mumble of nonsense. Dr Taylor told me not to worry and that because of my status as a behavioural case that during each appointment i would need to be sedated in order to avoid injury to either myself or her i was confused at first but reluctantly agreed, less pain anyway i thought. I did however fear for what they might do to me! Would I end up with a harness too just like the receptionist or would I get worse?!? My mind was racing and due to my inability to feel i was even more startled when i realised that Dr Taylor had already started her work...
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This is so good! Can’t wait to hear more
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Great start! ;D
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Seems I was of some inspiration ;D lol
Say bud, I'd think you might wanna take a look at the forum rules post. I spot a few things like the main character's age being 15, and the forceful sedation in the first and second chapters respectively, and I think there are rules regarding that type of jazz. I could be wrong, but it's worth lookin at for sure. Love the effort
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Thanks Tingrin you make a very good point ;) im new here so thanks for letting me know, ill get changing that now
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Oh what a nice surprise
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Please continue this!
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this is such an awesome story. hope it will be continued
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Definitely not the type of surprise you would want!
This is interesting and I can’t wait for more and to see his reactions once the process of getting the braces is finished and he realised his new reality
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New Chapter out now, sorry its been a while ;D any feed back or inspiration would be VERY much appreciated
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Chapter 3
It Can't Get Worse Than This!
I could see her hand reach in and out of my mouth transporting metal, she worked for what seemed like an eternity sucking back my saliva and washing my mouth out with water. After a while i began to feel my strength returning to my limbs and managed to make a few groans of exhaustion, it was a horrible feeling being helpless in your own body, Dr Taylor smiled sympathetically and stepped back to admire her work. She helped me up saying that i don't need to worry and she won't have to do that again as the majority of my appliances are fixed in already, my lips began to tingle like they were being electrocuted she gave me a white board and told me that if i wanted anything i can write it down, i wrote to ask for a glass of water so she nodded and left to go fetch it. And so there i was left on my own unable to speak and barely able to move, with sharp turn of my head i was able to see a mirror laying on the table next to me and mustering what little strength i could i slowly reached my arm towards it, the suspense was killing me! I needed to move faster! With one final push I lifted it high upon my head and stared into what appeared to be a car crash inside of my mouth…
Dr Taylor came in just as I had put the mirror down, hardly daring to breathe. She smiled. You might feel a bit wobbly for the rest of the day she said sympathetically i have a mirror here for you to see what i've done so far for your treatment, she exclaimed, picking it up and placing it in my hand as I yet again stared into the car crash. So today i've successfully managed to fit you with your upper and lower expanders, these are connected to your braces. As i looked closer they were like no braces i had seen before, rather than have just buttons with wires these had buttons attached to bulky metal ring that went around each of my teeth! We also have put in your tongue crib, this will teach your tongue to stop pushing against your front teeth like they currently are Dr Taylor remarked, ok so that's all of you hardware for today but i would also like you to wear some elastics to help correct your bite, i am trying to make this as stress free as possible she said with a sad smile, i tried to scoff when i heard those words, if this was her idea of stress free then i can't wait to see the other people she braces up! These elastics will need to be worn all day and night and replaced every 3 hours in the daytime, she continued passing me a card and 4 small bags, so the card contains all the instructions of how to put on the elastics in case you forget and the elastics can be found in the bags. I opened one of the bags and looked inside to see about 100 blue thick elastic bands. It was in that moment that the anesthesia wore off and i was suddenly able to for the first time feel what had happened inside my mouth, there was hardly any room for my tongue to move as it wormed its way through the warm slimy metal of my expanders i ran my tongue over the rough front of each of my brackets and moved round the back of each tooth to come into contact with the smooth side of metal bands and the thick steel wires connecting to the expander. I lifted my tongue upwards to find it pricked by some sort of sharp edge, I went to feel the back of my upper front teeth to find that again my tongue seemed to be raked by spikes! Dr Taylor continued to explain that i would need to use 6 different elastics in the configuration on the card, as long as i wore them as asked then the treatment time could be reduced, she then explained that because of the extensive measures of my bad bite that it is most likely and almost surely that i will have to wear headgear for a good year but that time could be extended or reduced. I didn't like the sound of that headgear; it reminded me of the harness that the receptionist wore. Dr Taylor helped me up out of the chair and lead me to a mirror with a sink below it, attaching the elastics was easy enough but i found that they were really tight and uncomfortable and also made it nearly impossible to open my mouth any great distance. From there she wished me good luck with my braces and exclaimed that if anything really was unmanageable or if there was anything she could do to make it more comfortable then I should let her know and I was handed to her receptionist. The receptionist loaded me up with about 6 different brochures on how to care for my appliances and told me that any further questions that I have, feel free to give them a ring. I was then led back into the waiting room where Steve was waiting, what took you so long he asked we've been here for 3 hours he remarked i opened my mouth slowly, struggling against the force of the elastics. Holy Shit! What Happened to you!
And well i think i can officially say that i have reinvented myself as a geeky glasses wearing braceface...
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really excellent
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this is great!
you have got a brilliant concept here. Im interested to see his mother's reaction and why this was done. Also his stepdads reaction and how involved he was.
Interested to see how this plays out. thanks for sharing
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Great story so far!
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Loving it so far, just as a pointer try format your story more as its difficult to read. Add more paragraph breaks. Remember to do speech on a new line.
Other than that the story seems really good!
Only other issue I'd be wary of is the forceful sedation due to forum rules.
Edit: rephrased to not sound so blunt
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Please format this better its difficult to read. Add more parahraph breaks. Remember to do speech on a new line.
If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....
Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.
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What a good story!
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Hopefully you update this! :)
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If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....
Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.
Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?
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If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....
Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.
Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?
Well, as I mentioned many times, English is not my first language. I posted two stories here and I'd like to post more, but when I remember some comments I had on a story, I have second thoughts and give up on posting a new one. Not that the comments were impolite or so, but because I did my best and I know I'll never write perfectly, nor make myself understandable sometimes, and before posting I read many times, corrected as much as I could and tried not to make many mistakes, even though I know that there are many mistakes, incorrect grammar, weird structure, bad use of English. But I did my best.
That said, I'd like to say that yes, criticism is nice, but towards the story, not towards writing skills. And yes, I don't feel like posting something new because I don't want to feel embarrassed because of a comment (that I know that wasn't made intending to make me feel uncomfortable, but it did).
I can't say that's what's happening in this case, but I took the chance to express my thoughts about it.
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Nice story, I like the way it goes. Keep it up.
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I have commented on the punctuation in stories before. I have also offered to help the writer by proofreading it and making my suggestions as to what can be changed. It is an open offer to any writer who would like my help. I recently did that to one of the stories posted without the writer's permission. If I offended them, I apologize.
I have the largest collection of braces stories on the internet, so I have seen just about every spelling mistake.
I am always willing to help, and a few writers have accepted my help. Others send me their original files when they post a story so that I don't have to cut and paste from the website.
Don't give up writing just because a few of us have commented on how you write. You will get better as you write more. Writing in a language that you are not familiar with is difficult and I appreciate the effort that it takes. A good spellchecker helps, as well as asking for help to improve your understanding of the language you are writing in.
Braceface2015
TheArchive2018
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Hello please don't be put off by criticism of your writing style I really enjoyed your story and would like to read more of it I struggle to write using correct grammar and I know my spelling is a bit weak although English is my first and only language I never went to school much thats my excuse!
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Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?
I think the phrase is "physician heal thyself" ;)
It needs to be remembered that this is a bit of fun, not a published work. Standards will be "lower", not least because we have many people here who are writing stories in what isn't their native language. I can speak and read German fluently. Would I write a story in it - certainly not!
I actually correct people's writing in my day job, and it takes a lot of energy. As such, I am a bit lax in checking my own things when I do them for fun... if I accidentally type of instead of off or I;m instead of I'm, that's just tough. Given the choice of lots of "imperfect" writing that takes a bit of effort to read, or very little "perfect" writing, I'll go for the "imperfect" every time - it's still more enjoyable on my eyes than handwritten Thai!
@MagnetMouth: I hope you'll continue this - it is a great starting scene.
@GarotaFakeBR: Likewise, I hope you'll continue to post. You're braver than I am writing in a second (third?) language. If your work can't be appreciated for what it is, that's your reader's problem, not yours!
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I think the phrase is "physician heal thyself" ;)
It needs to be remembered that this is a bit of fun, not a published work. Standards will be "lower", not least because we have many people here who are writing stories in what isn't their native language. I can speak and read German fluently. Would I write a story in it - certainly not!
I actually correct people's writing in my day job, and it takes a lot of energy. As such, I am a bit lax in checking my own things when I do them for fun... if I accidentally type of instead of off or I;m instead of I'm, that's just tough. Given the choice of lots of "imperfect" writing that takes a bit of effort to read, or very little "perfect" writing, I'll go for the "imperfect" every time - it's still more enjoyable on my eyes than handwritten Thai!
@MagnetMouth: I hope you'll continue this - it is a great starting scene.
@GarotaFakeBR: Likewise, I hope you'll continue to post. You're braver than I am writing in a second (third?) language. If your work can't be appreciated for what it is, that's your reader's problem, not yours!
I understand that obviously the standards arent high here, I did somewhat forget that a fair number of users here dont natively speak English which is my bad. The original response was very blunt which is my bad. I edited and rephrased it. Sorry sometimes due to being on the spectrum I come off as really blunt and rude in text.
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Please continue, I like the way it goes
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I think the surprise of it would be overwhelming
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Well i know its been a long time coming but theres plenty more planned :D
Also thank you for all the kind words but i must confess that English is my first language and I actually live in the UK my abhorrent spelling is due to a lack of caring and never getting round to fixing it XD... Enjoy!
Chapter 4
A new beginning…
Yeah well some surprise huh! Shouted daniel, its for your own good, replied steve, both your mother and i decided that it was best for you to start treatment today, have you looked at your teeth recently! Well they looked a lot better before this shit was glued onto them! He returned. Both daniel and steve proceeded to sit in silence for the rest of the ride home with Daniel glaring intensely at steve through the rear view mirror. Upon arriving home daniel threw open the car door and stormed over to the door to the flat. Its locked, Steve exclaimed. Well obviously, daniel replied, or else i would have walked inside wouldn't i! Don't you dare spit at me be boy! Thrown slightly off guard daniel fumbled with his words trying to make out that it was an accident and he didn't mean to. Well you're bloody well acting like you mean it! Steve shouted back, i don't care if all that metal gives you a lisp you can still make an effort to avoid spitting at me! Daniel muttered his apology and proceeded to make his way inside of the flat..
As i walked inside, mum pulled me into one of her famous bear hugs, my beautiful baby boy you look amazing! Well I certainly didn't feel amazing, afterall i had just become braceface supreme. She complimented me on my glasses and said that they suited me perfectly, I shook this comment off, trying not to think about the fact that in my mind my mother had just called me a freak right to my face. After the constant waves of love were finished with i went into the bathroom inspect my new metal and accompaniments, but yet again i was shocked by what i saw! Boy was this going to take some getting used to, to me it just looked as though the orthodontist had just taken a handful of wires, springs and metal plates and glued them in my mouth, i was given a small metal rod by the receptionist and told it was to tighten my expanders which needs to be done everyday, whilst i was given a quick briefing at the ‘office’ i still couldn't work out how it operated, deciding that it was a problem for later i straightened my newly acquired spectacles and went downstairs for an early dinner; i was ravenous. Sitting down at the table my mum brought over her previously well received chicken noodle soup, my mum loved experimenting, always trying out new mixes of food, styles and cultures. Looking down at the steaming bowl of golden ichor i licked my lips in anticipation and took a spoonful to my lips. The broth went down successfully and with great ease, whilst the chicken chunks got caught on the tongue crib and the noodles got sucked up into the newly metallic roof of my mouth stuck between the expander and my own flesh! It was a nightmare trying to fish out and took many attempts, after the second spoonful of the tasty but bothersome soup there came a knock at the door, steve answered it and to my horror i heard petes asking where i was! Bugger! I had forgotten that i was supposed to meet pete an hour ago. Steve answered by explaining that i was eating dinner but would be over as soon as i was finished, well there it is, no backing down now, steves signed that contract with blood, im going to have to face pete!
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thanks for continuing! i’m not as much of a stickler for spelling as others might be, but i think being clearer about who is talking would be greatly appreciated
(plus you’ll really want to go back and remove any material about injections or being forced into braces - stories have been locked for less, so you need to be clear that this is something your character does consent to, even if they hate the braces!)
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Yeah thats a great point! Im new to writing stories and whilst writing i was trying to get the balance between a easy to read dialogue and one that wasn't quite so stretched out :P
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:) glad to see your interest return!
just make sure the treatment is all in line with forum policy before all your hard work is ruined!
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Chapter 4 - A new beginning…
"Yeah well, some surprise huh!" I shouted.
"It's for your own good," replied Steve, "both your mother and I decided that it was best for you to start treatment today. Have you looked at your teeth recently!"
"Well, they looked a lot better before this shit was glued onto them!" I returned.
Both Steve and I proceeded to sit in silence for the rest of the ride home, with me glaring intensely at Steve through the rearview mirror. Upon arriving home, I threw open the car door and stormed over to the door to the flat. "It's locked," Steve exclaimed.
"Well obviously," I replied, "or else I would have walked inside wouldn't I!"
"Don't you dare spit at me, boy!"
Thrown slightly off guard, I fumbled with my words, trying to make out that it was an accident and I didn't mean to.
"Well, you're bloody well acting like you mean it!" Steve shouted back. "I don't care if all that metal gives you a lisp. You can still make an effort to avoid spitting at me!"
I muttered an apology and proceeded to make my way inside of the flat.
As I walked inside, mum pulled me into one of her famous bear hugs, "My beautiful baby boy, you look amazing!"
Well, I certainly didn't feel amazing, after all, I had just become brace-face supreme. She complimented me on my glasses and said that they suited me perfectly. I shook this comment off, trying not to think about the fact that, in my mind, my mother had just called me a freak right to my face. After the constant waves of love were finished with, I went into the bathroom to inspect my new metal and accompaniments, but yet again I was shocked by what I saw! Boy was this going to take some getting used to, to me it just looked as though the orthodontist had just taken a handful of wires, springs and metal plates and glued them in my mouth. I was given a small metal rod by the receptionist and told it was to tighten the expanders which needed to be done every day. Whilst I was given a quick briefing at the 'office', I still couldn't work out how it operated. Deciding that it was a problem for later, I straightened my newly acquired spectacles and went downstairs for an early dinner; I was ravenous.
Sitting down at the table, my mum brought over her previously well-received chicken noodle soup. My mum loved experimenting, always trying out new mixes of food, styles and cultures. Looking down at the steaming bowl of golden ichor, I licked my lips in anticipation and took a spoonful to my lips. The broth went down successfully and with great ease, whilst the chicken chunks got caught on the tongue-crib and the noodles got sucked up into the newly metallic roof of my mouth, stuck between the expander and my own flesh! It was a nightmare trying to fish them out and took many attempts. After the second spoonful of the tasty but bothersome soup, there came a knock at the door. Steve answered it and, to my horror, I heard Pete asking where I was! Bugger! I had forgotten that I was supposed to meet Pete an hour ago. Steve answered by explaining that I was eating dinner but would be over as soon as I was finished. Well there it is, no backing down now, Steve signed that contract with blood, I was going to have to face Pete!
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This is the cleaned up version.
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Pleased to see the new chapter (and sorry I thought you weren't a native speaker!).
Look forward to seeing Pete's reaction to his friend's new look! Does Pete have braces himself, 'normal' or otherwise?
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Looking forward to the rest
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I have updated TheArchive with the latest chapter.
It's an interesting story so far and I am looking forward to more of it.
Braceface2015
TheArchive2018