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Author Topic: Story - A week to be remembered  (Read 6506 times)

Offline GarotaFakeBR

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #30 on: 22. January 2021, 12:00:33 PM »
Please continue, I  like the way it goes

Offline prahm

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #31 on: 02. February 2021, 22:25:51 PM »
I think the surprise of it would be overwhelming

Offline MagnetMouth

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #32 on: 14. February 2021, 01:38:02 AM »
Well i know its been a long time coming but theres plenty more planned :D
Also thank you  for all the kind words but i must confess that English is my first language and I actually live in the UK my abhorrent spelling is due to a lack of caring and never getting round to fixing it XD... Enjoy!

Chapter 4
A new beginning…

Yeah well some surprise huh! Shouted daniel, its for your own good, replied steve, both your mother and i decided that it was best for you to start treatment today, have you looked at your teeth recently! Well they looked a lot better before this shit was glued onto them! He returned. Both daniel and steve proceeded to sit in silence for the rest of the ride home with Daniel glaring intensely at steve through the rear view mirror. Upon arriving home daniel threw open the car door and stormed over to the door to the flat. Its locked, Steve exclaimed. Well obviously, daniel replied, or else i would have walked inside wouldn't i! Don't you dare spit at me be boy! Thrown slightly off guard daniel fumbled with his words trying to make out that it was an accident and he didn't mean to. Well you're bloody well acting like you mean it! Steve shouted back, i don't care if all that metal gives you a lisp you can still make an effort to avoid spitting at me! Daniel muttered his apology and proceeded to make his way inside of the flat..

As i walked inside, mum pulled me into one of her famous bear hugs, my beautiful baby boy you look amazing! Well I certainly didn't feel amazing, afterall i had just become braceface supreme. She complimented me on my glasses and said that they suited me perfectly, I shook this comment off, trying not to think about the fact that in my mind my mother had just called me a freak right to my face. After the constant waves of love were finished with i went into the bathroom inspect my new metal and accompaniments, but yet again i was shocked by what i saw! Boy was this going to take some getting used to, to me it just looked as though the orthodontist had just taken a handful of wires, springs and metal plates and glued them in my mouth, i was given a small metal rod by the receptionist and told it was to tighten my expanders which needs to be done everyday, whilst i was given a quick briefing at the ‘office’ i still couldn't work out how it operated, deciding that it was a problem for later i straightened my newly acquired spectacles and went downstairs for an early dinner; i was ravenous. Sitting down at the table my mum brought over her previously well received chicken noodle soup, my mum loved experimenting, always trying out new mixes of food, styles and cultures. Looking down at the steaming bowl of golden ichor i licked my lips in anticipation and took a spoonful to my lips. The broth went down successfully and with great ease, whilst the chicken chunks got caught on the tongue crib and the noodles got sucked up into the newly metallic roof of my mouth stuck between the expander and my own flesh! It was a nightmare trying to fish out and took many attempts, after the second spoonful of the tasty but bothersome soup there came a knock at the door, steve answered it and to my horror i heard petes asking where i was! Bugger! I had forgotten that i was supposed to meet pete an hour ago. Steve answered by explaining that i was eating dinner but would be over as soon as i was finished, well there it is, no backing down now, steves signed that contract with blood, im going to have to face pete!


Offline Libra

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #33 on: 14. February 2021, 11:59:14 AM »
thanks for continuing! i’m not as much of a stickler for spelling as others might be, but i think being clearer about who is talking would be greatly appreciated

(plus you’ll really want to go back and remove any material about injections or being forced into braces - stories have been locked for less, so you need to be clear that this is something your character does consent to, even if they hate the braces!)

Offline MagnetMouth

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #34 on: 14. February 2021, 12:25:33 PM »
Yeah thats a great point! Im new to writing stories and whilst writing i was trying to get the balance between a easy to read dialogue and one that wasn't quite so stretched out :P

Offline Libra

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #35 on: 14. February 2021, 16:11:42 PM »
:) glad to see your interest return!

just make sure the treatment is all in line with forum policy before all your hard work is ruined!

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #36 on: 14. February 2021, 18:15:02 PM »
Chapter 4 - A new beginning…

"Yeah well, some surprise huh!" I shouted.

"It's for your own good," replied Steve, "both your mother and I decided that it was best for you to start treatment today. Have you looked at your teeth recently!"

"Well, they looked a lot better before this shit was glued onto them!" I returned.

Both Steve and I proceeded to sit in silence for the rest of the ride home, with me glaring intensely at Steve through the rearview mirror. Upon arriving home, I threw open the car door and stormed over to the door to the flat. "It's locked," Steve exclaimed.

"Well obviously," I replied, "or else I would have walked inside wouldn't I!"

"Don't you dare spit at me, boy!"

Thrown slightly off guard, I fumbled with my words, trying to make out that it was an accident and I didn't mean to.

"Well, you're bloody well acting like you mean it!" Steve shouted back. "I don't care if all that metal gives you a lisp. You can still make an effort to avoid spitting at me!"

I muttered an apology and proceeded to make my way inside of the flat.

As I walked inside, mum pulled me into one of her famous bear hugs, "My beautiful baby boy, you look amazing!"

Well, I certainly didn't feel amazing, after all, I had just become brace-face supreme. She complimented me on my glasses and said that they suited me perfectly. I shook this comment off, trying not to think about the fact that, in my mind, my mother had just called me a freak right to my face. After the constant waves of love were finished with, I went into the bathroom to inspect my new metal and accompaniments, but yet again I was shocked by what I saw! Boy was this going to take some getting used to, to me it just looked as though the orthodontist had just taken a handful of wires, springs and metal plates and glued them in my mouth. I was given a small metal rod by the receptionist and told it was to tighten the expanders which needed to be done every day. Whilst I was given a quick briefing at the 'office', I still couldn't work out how it operated. Deciding that it was a problem for later, I straightened my newly acquired spectacles and went downstairs for an early dinner; I was ravenous.

Sitting down at the table, my mum brought over her previously well-received chicken noodle soup. My mum loved experimenting, always trying out new mixes of food, styles and cultures. Looking down at the steaming bowl of golden ichor, I licked my lips in anticipation and took a spoonful to my lips. The broth went down successfully and with great ease, whilst the chicken chunks got caught on the tongue-crib and the noodles got sucked up into the newly metallic roof of my mouth, stuck between the expander and my own flesh! It was a nightmare trying to fish them out and took many attempts. After the second spoonful of the tasty but bothersome soup, there came a knock at the door. Steve answered it and, to my horror, I heard Pete asking where I was! Bugger! I had forgotten that I was supposed to meet Pete an hour ago. Steve answered by explaining that I was eating dinner but would be over as soon as I was finished. Well there it is, no backing down now, Steve signed that contract with blood, I was going to have to face Pete!

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #37 on: 14. February 2021, 18:18:44 PM »
This is the cleaned up version.


Offline duncombec

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #38 on: 15. February 2021, 19:04:13 PM »
Pleased to see the new chapter (and sorry I thought you weren't a native speaker!).

Look forward to seeing Pete's reaction to his friend's new look! Does Pete have braces himself, 'normal' or otherwise?

Offline prahm

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #39 on: 15. February 2021, 23:41:06 PM »
Looking forward to the rest

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #40 on: 18. February 2021, 19:54:10 PM »
I have updated TheArchive with the latest chapter.

It's an interesting story so far and I am looking forward to more of it.

Braceface2015
TheArchive2018