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Author Topic: Story - A week to be remembered  (Read 6508 times)

Offline MagnetMouth

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #15 on: 20. November 2020, 23:21:15 PM »
Chapter 3
It Can't Get Worse Than This!

I could see her hand reach in and out of my mouth transporting metal, she worked for what seemed like an eternity sucking back my saliva and washing my mouth out with water. After a while i began to feel my strength returning to my limbs and managed to make a few groans of exhaustion, it was a horrible feeling being helpless in your own body, Dr Taylor smiled sympathetically and stepped back to admire her work. She helped me up saying that i don't need to worry and she won't have to do that again as the majority of my appliances are fixed in already, my lips began to tingle like they were being electrocuted she gave me a white board and told me that if i wanted anything i can write it down, i wrote to ask for a glass of water so she nodded and left to go fetch it. And so there i was left on my own unable to speak and barely able to move, with sharp turn of my head i was able to see a mirror laying on the table next to me and mustering what little strength i could i slowly reached my arm towards it, the suspense was killing me! I needed to move faster! With one final push I lifted it high upon my head and stared into what appeared to be a car crash inside of my mouth…

Dr Taylor came in just as I had put the mirror down, hardly daring to breathe. She smiled. You might feel a bit wobbly for the rest of the day she said sympathetically i have a mirror here for you to see what i've done so far for your treatment, she exclaimed, picking it up and placing it in my hand as I yet again stared into the car crash. So today i've successfully managed to fit you with your upper and lower expanders, these are connected to your braces. As i looked closer they were like no braces i had seen before, rather than have just buttons with wires these had buttons attached to bulky metal ring that went around each of my teeth! We also have put in your tongue crib, this will teach your tongue to stop pushing against your front teeth like they currently are Dr Taylor remarked, ok so that's all of you hardware for today but i would also like you to wear some elastics to help correct your bite, i am trying to make this as stress free as possible she said with a sad smile, i tried to scoff when i heard those words, if this was her idea of stress free then i can't wait to see the other people she braces up! These elastics will need to be worn all day and night and replaced every 3 hours in the daytime, she continued passing me a card and 4 small bags, so the card contains all the instructions of how to put on the elastics in case you forget and the elastics can be found in the bags. I opened one of the bags and looked inside to see about 100 blue thick elastic bands. It was in that moment that the anesthesia wore off and i was suddenly able to for the first time feel what had happened inside my mouth, there was hardly any room for my tongue to move as it wormed its way through the warm slimy metal of my expanders i ran my tongue over the rough front of each of my brackets and moved round the back of each tooth to come into contact with the smooth side of metal bands and the thick steel wires connecting to the expander. I lifted my tongue upwards to find it pricked by some sort of sharp edge, I went to feel the back of my upper front teeth to find that again my tongue seemed to be raked by spikes! Dr Taylor continued to explain that i would need to use 6 different elastics in the configuration on the card, as long as i wore them as asked then the treatment time could be reduced, she then explained that because of the extensive measures of my bad bite that it is most likely and almost surely that i will have to wear headgear for a good year but that time could be extended or reduced. I didn't like the sound of that headgear; it reminded me of the harness that the receptionist wore. Dr Taylor helped me up out of the chair and lead me to a mirror with a sink below it, attaching the elastics was easy enough but i found that they were really tight and uncomfortable and also made it nearly impossible to open my mouth any great distance. From there she wished me good luck with my braces and exclaimed that if anything really was unmanageable or if there was anything she could do to make it more comfortable then I should let her know and I was handed to her receptionist. The receptionist loaded me up with about 6 different brochures on how to care for my appliances and told me that any further questions that I have, feel free to give them a ring. I was then led back into the waiting room where Steve was waiting, what took you so long he asked we've been here for 3 hours he remarked i opened my mouth slowly, struggling against the force of the elastics. Holy Shit! What Happened to you!

And well i think i can officially say that i have reinvented myself as a geeky glasses wearing braceface...

Offline thrownaway

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #16 on: 20. November 2020, 23:54:23 PM »
really excellent

Offline metalfoxy

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #17 on: 21. November 2020, 01:07:43 AM »
this is great!
you have got a brilliant concept here. Im interested to see his mother's reaction and why this was done. Also his stepdads reaction and how involved he was.
Interested to see how this plays out. thanks for sharing

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #18 on: 18. December 2020, 01:51:20 AM »
Great story so far!

Offline Taxy

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #19 on: 18. December 2020, 14:45:57 PM »
Loving it so far, just as a pointer try format your story more as its difficult to read. Add more paragraph breaks. Remember to do speech on a new line.

Other than that the story seems really good!
Only other issue I'd be wary of is the forceful sedation due to forum rules.

Edit: rephrased to not sound so blunt

Offline duncombec

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #20 on: 18. December 2020, 17:27:33 PM »
Please format this better its difficult to read. Add more parahraph breaks. Remember to do speech on a new line.

If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....

Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.

Offline Boheme

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #21 on: 19. December 2020, 00:44:57 AM »
What a good story!

Offline Libra

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #22 on: 16. January 2021, 14:55:50 PM »
Hopefully you update this!  :)

Offline Taxy

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #23 on: 17. January 2021, 00:56:33 AM »
If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....

Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.

Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?

Offline GarotaFakeBR

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #24 on: 17. January 2021, 02:23:54 AM »
If you're going to comment on another author's writing, you'd do well not to make basic grammar and spelling errors in doing so....

Stroppy commentary such as this does not encourage people to write stories.

Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?

Well, as I mentioned many times, English is not my first language. I posted two stories here and I'd like to post more, but when I remember some comments I had on a story, I have second thoughts and give up on posting a new one. Not that the comments were impolite or so, but because I did my best and I know I'll never write perfectly, nor make myself understandable sometimes, and before posting I read many times, corrected as much as I could and tried not to make many mistakes, even though I know that there are many mistakes, incorrect grammar, weird structure, bad use of English. But I did my best.
That said, I'd like to say that yes, criticism is nice, but towards the story, not towards writing skills. And yes, I  don't feel like posting something new because I don't want to feel embarrassed because of a comment (that I know that wasn't made intending to make me feel uncomfortable, but it did).

I can't say that's what's happening in this case, but I took the chance to express my thoughts about it.

Offline GarotaFakeBR

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #25 on: 17. January 2021, 02:24:56 AM »
Nice story, I like the way it goes. Keep it up.

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #26 on: 17. January 2021, 07:50:08 AM »
I have commented on the punctuation in stories before. I have also offered to help the writer by proofreading it and making my suggestions as to what can be changed. It is an open offer to any writer who would like my help. I recently did that to one of the stories posted without the writer's permission. If I offended them, I apologize.

I have the largest collection of braces stories on the internet, so I have seen just about every spelling mistake.

I am always willing to help, and a few writers have accepted my help. Others send me their original files when they post a story so that I don't have to cut and paste from the website.

Don't give up writing just because a few of us have commented on how you write. You will get better as you write more. Writing in a language that you are not familiar with is difficult and I appreciate the effort that it takes. A good spellchecker helps, as well as asking for help to improve your understanding of the language you are writing in.

Braceface2015
TheArchive2018

Offline jonjon

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #27 on: 17. January 2021, 14:22:29 PM »
Hello please don't be put off by criticism of your writing style I really enjoyed your story  and would like to read more of it I struggle to write using correct grammar and I know my spelling is a bit weak  although English is my first and only language I never went to school much thats my excuse!

Offline duncombec

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #28 on: 17. January 2021, 18:48:59 PM »
Dude chill I reccomended they fix their grammar. You don't need to be rude about me making a small typo. Why shouldn't I be able to provide criticism on their gramatical structure?

I think the phrase is "physician heal thyself" ;)

It needs to be remembered that this is a bit of fun, not a published work. Standards will be "lower", not least because we have many people here who are writing stories in what isn't their native language. I can speak and read German fluently. Would I write a story in it - certainly not!
I actually correct people's writing in my day job, and it takes a lot of energy. As such, I am a bit lax in checking my own things when I do them for fun... if I accidentally type of instead of off or I;m instead of I'm, that's just tough. Given the choice of lots of "imperfect" writing that takes a bit of effort to read, or very little "perfect" writing, I'll go for the "imperfect" every time - it's still more enjoyable on my eyes than handwritten Thai!

@MagnetMouth: I hope you'll continue this - it is a great starting scene.

@GarotaFakeBR: Likewise, I hope you'll continue to post. You're braver than I am writing in a second (third?) language. If your work can't be appreciated for what it is, that's your reader's problem, not yours!

Offline Taxy

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Re: Story - A week to be remembered
« Reply #29 on: 18. January 2021, 01:51:44 AM »
I think the phrase is "physician heal thyself" ;)

It needs to be remembered that this is a bit of fun, not a published work. Standards will be "lower", not least because we have many people here who are writing stories in what isn't their native language. I can speak and read German fluently. Would I write a story in it - certainly not!
I actually correct people's writing in my day job, and it takes a lot of energy. As such, I am a bit lax in checking my own things when I do them for fun... if I accidentally type of instead of off or I;m instead of I'm, that's just tough. Given the choice of lots of "imperfect" writing that takes a bit of effort to read, or very little "perfect" writing, I'll go for the "imperfect" every time - it's still more enjoyable on my eyes than handwritten Thai!

@MagnetMouth: I hope you'll continue this - it is a great starting scene.

@GarotaFakeBR: Likewise, I hope you'll continue to post. You're braver than I am writing in a second (third?) language. If your work can't be appreciated for what it is, that's your reader's problem, not yours!

I understand that obviously the standards arent high here, I did somewhat forget that a fair number of users here dont natively speak English which is my bad. The original response was very blunt which is my bad. I edited and rephrased it. Sorry sometimes due to being on the spectrum I come off as really blunt and rude in text.