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Author Topic: New Writing Challenge  (Read 3386 times)

Offline napacaster

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #15 on: 09. November 2023, 16:32:36 PM »
Great stories. As Sparky noted, the challenge of writing something on short notice does make it more spontaneous and fun. Hell, I had no idea what I would write when I started, but ended up with all three things in the story.

Offline MikeB

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #16 on: 09. November 2023, 16:35:11 PM »
For the record, I did not intentionally try to plagiarize Mike’s story.

We both have vodka girls! ;D

Offline MikeB

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #17 on: 09. November 2023, 16:40:33 PM »
Great stories. As Sparky noted, the challenge of writing something on short notice does make it more spontaneous and fun. Hell, I had no idea what I would write when I started, but ended up with all three things in the story.

I think it was Stephen King who said that he just comes up with interesting characters, puts them in interesting situations, and records how they react. He's a "pantser" (writing by the seat of his pants, no outline) as writing coach Jerry Jenkins would say. I suspect that applies to many of us here.

I'm certainly a pantser. I just plunked two people on a bus and started writing. It went where it went.

Offline mr_90proof

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #18 on: 09. November 2023, 16:50:39 PM »
My gosh does she like vodka.

And poking fun at me about my little kink.

Offline napacaster

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #19 on: 09. November 2023, 17:49:59 PM »
I think it was Stephen King who said that he just comes up with interesting characters, puts them in interesting situations, and records how they react. He's a "pantser" (writing by the seat of his pants, no outline) as writing coach Jerry Jenkins would say. I suspect that applies to many of us here.

I'm certainly a pantser. I just plunked two people on a bus and started writing. It went where it went.

Exactly what I did. Took the girls from my ongoing story and put them in the situation the challenge required. Figured it out as I went along.

Offline Sparky

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #20 on: 09. November 2023, 22:28:42 PM »
So, here's my response to my challenge. It is a small snippet from the "CJDL Storyverse", happening at some point between the current "Dianne needs braces" story, and when they all go on the 3-month European tour with Northern Girls.

Written in one sitting, yes, I'm sure the story could have been better developed, but who cares. And I have a couple of potential ideas from it for the ongoing CJDL story threads...

According to Word, it's 1500 to 1600 words long. I thought about extending it, but I'm happy the way it is!

=======================

Part 1

"Sorry to interrupt, can you ladies spare me a few minutes?". Brian and Paige had just walked into the music room at 'the house', where Jenny, Carol, Dianne and Linda were working together on a new song. Callum was also there

"Sure..." replied Jenny. The five of them joined Brian, and they sat together on the sofas.

"So, been talking to an agent who was wondering if you'd like to do an advert?" explained Brian. The band had never done anything related to adverts before: they had rather shied away from it, not wanting to associated with one of the big brands, lest it come back to bite them. However, more recently they had been discussion the concept, realising that, at the current point in their careers, it could be very lucrative.

"What for?" asked Carol, "let me guess, perfume?"

Brian smiled. "Nowhere near!".

"Ok, lipstick then?"

"No..." replied Paige. "You'll never guess this one...."

"Go on then..."

"Breakfast cereals..." replied Brian. The girls burst out laughing.

"You're joking?"

"Nope, deadly serious."

"What we talking about then? 'Special J'?" suggested Linda, smiling, and showing off her relatively new metal braces, still sporting the original pink ligatures.

"Well, right brand, but they are about to release a new range of ultra-healthy and natural cereals, and would like you to 'be the faces' for the new products."

"Well, if it's them, they should be able to afford us at least!"



Part 2

"So, we were looking at you doing a total of four different adverts, in 4 different situations, eating the 4 different cereal varieties." explained the lady from the ad agency. The 4 girls, along with Brian, had agreed in principle to doing the adverts: the amount being offered made it worth their while, and they had already had a chat with the 'product development team' to understand exactly what these new versions of the products were, and it appeared that it was all quite legit. So today they had come to meet the advert agency, to talk details.

The lady explained the 4 scenarios they had come up with, where the four girls would be eating the cereals: one in a hotel restaurant, one in a hotel bedroom, one in the tour bus, and one 'at the venue', plus gave them a few details of the content of the adverts. "Of course, when you're recording the adverts, I'm sure you'll have a few little things you may wish to add in...".

"You realise that, if you have us eating cereals, we're going to get them stuck in our braces?"

"Yes, absolutely. We were rather counting on that!"

Having chatted about what was expected of them, they all agreed they were happy to proceed, and sign the contract.

"Ok," said Jenny, "if you can afford to pay us for this, I'm assuming there must be some more marketing budget around that's available for further ideas?"

"Sounds like Jenny has an idea that might be good for us all..." added Brian. "So?". he looked over at the guys from the advertising agency.

"Yes, we are always interested in ideas," replied the lady's boss. "And if the ideas are good enough, we might be able to persuade the customer to create some more budget. What are you thinking of?"

"Product placement...."

"Product placement? In what way?"

"In the middle of our first concert at the O2. If we think carefully, we could do something that could not only be fun for us and our audience, but we'll be filming it... edit it overnight, get the advert out for breakfast TV the following morning...." explained Jenny.

"Do go on...."

"I don't know. Maybe Northern Girls finish a song, we 4 walk on with a table, with dishes and cereals on it..." There were a lot of smiles around the table.

"Yes, a VERY interesting idea.... I think we definitely need to look into that further, and I'm sure the customer could be persuaded..."

They chatted a bit more.

"Ok, if we're thinking silly ideas, can I also make a suggestion?" asked Linda. "Something I was kinda thinking of on the way here."

"Sure, go on...." replied the agency man.

"Ok, let me play you this first....". Linda got out her phone, and searched You Tube. "Ok, this is a Japanese band called Baby Metal....". She started the song, and played it for about 30 seconds. "That's called 'Gimme Chocolate'. So, let's change it to 'Gimme Cereals'!"

"Nice idea... but it's a bit generic...."

"Ah, not finished yet. Remember a song from back in the 1970's I think it was called 'I'd like to teach the world to sing'...".

"Ah, right, yes..." he replied, remembering the advert. "... the Coke advert... yes, I see...." he had a big smile on his face.

"We'll need clearance from Baby Metal to do it, but I'm sure they'll be ok. And we're gonna need Northern Girls to help: they play it, while we sing and dance" added Linda.

"Linda, that is brilliant!" said Carol, "and even if these guys aren't interested, I'd LOVE to do something like that!"



Part 3

Day 1 of filming started in a function room at a hotel, that was playing the part of being the breakfast room. There were several extras sat around, pretending to also have breakfast (even Brian, Paige and Ben were sat at one of the tables!). The four girls walk in.

"So, I fancy some cereals, what they got. I hope they have something better than just cornflakes or those tasteless wheat things..." says Jenny.

"Hmm, what's these?" asked Carol.

"Says 'Natural' and 'Healthy' and even 'Ethical' on the box!" replied Dianne.

"Can't taste any good then...." replied Jenny.

"Come on, Jenny, we could at least give them a try..." suggests Linda.

Camera shows them pouring out cereals into dishes (six retakes), sitting at their table, pouring milk over the cereals (ten retakes of that, 'just to get it right'!), eating the cereals. Suitable 'yummy' comments, and four smiles in closeup. Smiles with braces, pink ligatures, and lots of cereals stuck in them!

The reality of it was that, with several retakes and versions needing to be filmed, the girls couldn't actually EAT all the cereals. Instead, they had several buckets nearby, where they could just spit the cereals out, without swallowing!


The second advert was set in a large bedroom: the hotel had a large room with two double beds. The scenario was simple: as you'd expect, when on tour, CJDL sleep together, sharing two double beds (as if!!!). The alarm goes off, duvets are pulled back to reveal Carol, Jenny, Dianne and Linda in pyjamas. They all jump out of bed (as one does, when waking up!!!) One of the girls gets the tray of breakfast from outside the door.

"Oh, what's this then?" asks Dianne picking up the box of cereals, and the script follows a similar story to the first advert, although this time ends up with one of the girls in the bathroom, brushing the cereals from her teeth. As well as the 'serious' takes, they did a load of silly ones, throwing the cereals around and that sort of stuff. Stuff that was fun, but would be fairly easy to clear up later on.

The third advert was filmed on the morning of the next day, in a meeting room that was set up to look like a 'green room' backstage at a venue.

"This is NOTHING like what we have when we're on tour! I mean, where's all the beer?" joked Carol. (The real joke was that, whilst there always WAS beer, they didn't actually drink it all that much, they usually took it out for the road crew!).

The scenario was similar to the first two scenarios: "Where's the cereals we're supposed to have?" asks Dianne. Linda points out the new products, they eat it, yummy yummy, and inevitably ending up with cereal filled braces. And again, they had a bit of fun afterwards, making a bit of a mess, but the video's producer was canny enough to know that such 'out-takes' could be very useful.


The last advert was set on a tour bus: they had managed to rent a bona-fide tour bus, and had suitably kitted it out. There were a couple of acoustic guitars and tambourines around, some stage outfits thrown around in suitable places, to make it look vaguely believable. It had been arranged that the bus would go up and down a fairly long piece of quiet dual carriageway, so that there would be nice scenery in the background, and the bus would be a little bumpy too, all trying to make it realistic.

The camera starts at the front of the bus, where a handful of extras are pretending to be asleep in the seats, and goes along to the back.

Linda pulls back the curtain that's in front of her bed, and gets out, still in her pyjamas. She goes to the back of the bus, where Carol and Dianne are standing, eating bowls of cereals. Linda sees three boxes of cereals... but there's a gap where the fourth one should be: there's one missing.

"Ok, where's the Honey & Nut Cornflakes gone?" she asks. The other two feign ignorance. "Come one, where is it, you know I ALWAYS have the Honey & Nut Cornflakes for breakfast!"

"Last I saw them was when Jenny came up, about five minutes ago..." replied Carol.

"Jenny.... where ARE you? JENNY!!!". Camera goes back to the girl's beds, and Linda pulls back the curtain of Jenny's bed, to reveal.... Jenny sat in bed, three boxes of Honey & Nut Cornflakes in front of her, and eating them straight from the packet. Jenny smiles, revealing her lovely metal braces, with the pink ligatures obscured by lots of cereals.


The customer was very happy with the four adverts. Not only that, they also liked BOTH of the other ideas, but as for what went on with those... well, they are two OTHER stories.


Offline Braceface2015

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #21 on: 09. November 2023, 22:50:58 PM »
Do you have a title for your short story? When I add it to TheArchive, I would like to know what to call it.

Offline Sparky

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #22 on: 10. November 2023, 02:18:16 AM »
"Writers Challenge 2023: On the bus" sound OK?

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #23 on: 10. November 2023, 03:31:41 AM »
I used "CJDL - On The Bus" as a temporary file name. I thought it was descriptive and suitable. It makes it easy to find when I am looking at the story list. I saw the title you had on Discord and went with that.

Offline m1090y

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #24 on: 10. November 2023, 09:18:56 AM »
On The Bus Late at Night

I have not started reading the other stories yet, so if there is commonality, then it is purely co-incident.

Doctor Cornflake preferred to manage orthodontic treatments with frequent appointments, the idea being it kept patients motivated, and it did, however he had to introduce a very unique variation in his practice to accommodate patients:  rather strange office hours.  To ask a patient to take time off work for appointments frequently started to do things like exhaust employers allowance for doctor's appointments and with it eventually leading to unpaid time, patients were finding their treatments to be much more expensive than just what it said on the estimate originally presented.  Doctor Cornflake had resorted to offering late night appointments while remaining closed for the majority of normal business hours.  And while this might have seemed to address the problem adequately, there was one more wrinkle which left patients incurring additional expense:  If one normally used the bus to get around and your orthodontic appointment occurred after the buses had stopped running, then you had to take a ride-share and that got to be much more expensive, especially if you were one of those downtown workers that had a bus-pass for commuting.

The solution could not have been implemented if it were not for Doctor Cornflake's being an active member on city council.  An orthodontist wielding this kind of power soon established a late night route for the bus system.  While the green line took downtown workers uptown for connections to routes through suburbia, and the red line took workers to downtown areas with clusters of high-rise apartment buildings, the new Pink Line was established to make two circles around the car pool parking lots which workers just outside of town would use to park and then bus further into the core of the city.  Not co-incidentally, Doctor Cornflake moved his practice to a medical building right beside a carpool parking lot.  The Pink Line bus route meandered through the downtown core where so many office buildings were located as it visited each of the carpool parking lots surrounding the core.  Patients working downtown and living either elsewhere in the core or in one of many residential areas on the periphery of the city could either get home, or to where their car was parked, in the middle of the night when no other city buses were running.  A typical patient's appointment evening would involve working during the day, perhaps late, grabbing dinner and maybe enjoying some nightlife and then catching the Pink Line to Doctor Cornflake's surgery for an adjustment, installation, or similar, returning to their apartment or parked car even later at night.

But the Pink Line served not just orthodontic patients of Doctor Cornflake, but also people who worked very late or enjoyed some nightlife.  The transit users in the latter category were limited to those who needed to get to a car pool lot and had not gotten intoxicated, so did not outnumber the orthodontic patients.

Dustin  fit all the characteristics of the patients, except that his need was simply a replacement retainer.  He chose Doctor Cornflake simply because at work they were *THAT* close to having a new game ready to release and as a principle in the company, it was not a matter of just putting in the hours.  He worked well into the evening most nights these days.  He had moved retainer wear to nights about seven years ago and had perhaps almost forgotten to wear it altogether, but finding it broken by something it got stored under had prompted him to worry about his teeth.  Trying the broken appliance into his mouth, he found that it really did not fit well, what was left of it and so this evening he was going for an appointment to see about getting a replacement.

It was not the appointment that would light up his life somewhat but a girl that ended up sitting opposite him on the bus and whom seemed to be glancing at him more than he had expected.  From looking around the bus, he had noticed some clubbers.  He assumed quickly, although realized he was being overly presumptuous, that the presence of a wire across the girl's teeth meant she was a patient and not a clubber.  If the wire had been the thicker variety like on his own retainer, he would have more likely been accurate, as adults normally remove Hawley retainers for work as well as clubbing.  However the wire on her teeth was the thinner kind more normal of a stainless steel arch-wire, except she did not have brackets.  But wait.  She did have brackets on the premolars, he noticed, when she yawned at one point.  And if he had studied her mouth more, more than was appropriate as she kept glancing at him, he might have determined that she had an overbite that was certainly due for correction.  He found himself recalling all the friends at school who ever got braces.  Some used to talk of overbites, but he never saw someone with brackets missing on most of their teeth, leaving just an arch-wire.  As he mulled this over, he reminded himself that just because she had some kind of fixed brace on her teeth, did not mean she was an ortho patient and could quite possibly get up and off at the next carpool parking lot, coming home after a night on the town.

Denise did in fact get off at the ortho stop.  Dustin got up the nerve and said to her, "I hope to god they can just make another retainer, even if things have moved.  I can't go doing ortho again with my work and all."  He mentioned a bit of what he did at work.  Denise talked about her work as they sat in the waiting room.  A receptionist called over for Dustin and Denise to follow her back.  The treatment room was sort of open concept except that two chairs were fairly close and two others were the other side of a partition with cabinetry in it.  Denise first waited and then was attended to by the doctor himself.  Momentarily an assistant joined Dustin.   She asked for the remains of his retainer and put them on the counter for the doctor, after which she proceeded to take a scan of his mouth.  When that was done and the assistant left, he glanced over at Denise.  Doctor Cornflake had just moved on to one of the patients on the other side of the partition.  Denise was laying in her treatment chair but Dustin quickly realized that he had installed cervical headgear on her when Dustin's scan was being done.  She realized he was also idle and glanced over at him and then away, blushing.  Dustin commented, "Oh, so that was what you were here for tonight.  It looks pretty powerful.  Does it hurt?"

She huffed and said, "Not really, but I'm sure it will later.  But god, this is embarrassing."  They did not lay there long, searching for what to say to each other, before Doctor Cornflake came around to Dustin and the assistant to Denise.  While the assistant counselled Denise on how to put in and take out the headgear, when to wear it and how important it was, Dustin's old retainer was examined, tried, his teeth examined, and his scan studied.

Doctor Cornflake finally said, "So it is apparent that you should have been wearing your retainer more than you were.  I could simply make you a new one but you've already had a disappointing regression in your treatment."

Dustin said, "So do I need braces again.  I really don't want to go to work with tinsel-teeth.  I don't think I could even wear a retainer at work.  It would be too demeaning, being one of the principles."

Doctor Cornflake looked seriously at Dustin and said, "And that just becomes worse as you move along in your career and get older.  There are a few other options.  There is invisalign, but you are really only borderline in terms of being a candidate.  I don't recommend that.  And if traditional braces are unacceptable to you, then we are down to two more options:  First, you could get a new retainer and wear it to prevent any more relapse.  I'm concerned, though, that by the time you are a senior citizen, you will be feeling the impact of what you let happen in terms of dental health issues.  The second of the remaining options would be to get a retainer, but we make it an active one.  It won't fix the issue totally on its own, but if we could add an additional appliance, it would pretty much get you back to where you likely started when you began slacking off on your original retainer.  And I realize you are saying you are not game for daytime wear, but I would think that after a month of wearing it when you are home, then just wearing it at night would get your teeth back in around four to six months."

Dustin sighed in relief.  It was just some kind of more complicated retainer and not required to be worn at work.  Meanwhile Denise was packing up to leave, having put her new headgear in her purse.  She was stalling as Dustin was consulting with Doctor Cornflake.  She seemed to be reading some glossy card very carefully as if she might have questions to ask of the staff before she left.  Doctor Cornflake said he would have his office manager prepare quotes for the two alternatives Dustin could consider and left.  Looked at Denise Dustin said, "Well, it is pretty much as bad as I feared, except that he has given me an option that I think I can live with.  And if I don't like the quote he is preparing for me, I can just get a replacement retainer and stop any further shifting."

Denise said, "Well, you saw what I got.  I hope you are given a better option than what I'm doing."  Dustin smiled and said he hoped so.  The office manager came in and Denise watched as she went over the two quotes.  Dustin was prepared for the magnitude of the quote but was surprised how the retainer alone was not much lower.  What stopped him signing off immediately was what was listed on the higher one.  He would be getting cervical headgear in addition to his retainer.  Dustin signed the quote for retainer and headgear and handed it to the office manager.  Doctor Cornflake came in shortly, evidently seeing the signed quote and put spacers around Dustin's molars.  As he got up to leave and make another appointment, he was surprised that Denise was still waiting.

After he made the appointment and left, Denise caught up to him and said, "You timed that about right.  The bus is just coming into view."  Had she been killing time until it came or was she waiting for Dustin to leave?  She said as they got to the stop, "I figure I can avoid wearing my headgear out of my apartment.  That's what I was working out when I was waiting in the treatment chair after the assistant left.  So do you know how much you will have to wear yours?"  He followed her onto the bus before answering, noting that she was the only person who knew he would have headgear and he was the only one who had so far seen her in hers.

He replied as they sat down, repeating what he had been told.  Both of them started to look at the two across the aisle from them who had followed them onto the bus.  The younger of the two girls had what turned out to be a removable expander that was impeding her speech badly.  The other girl had fixed braces, definite over bite and a very distracting figure.  The younger girl slurred, "Michelle, if I have to wew my espanda, then you can wew you headgeal."

Michelle looked at Dustin and blushed.  Denise looked around the bus and said, "You two must have been on the other side of that partition wall when I got my headgear.  We are the only passengers.  They told me I had to wear it tonight.  Maybe I could if someone else wore theirs."

Michelle and her companion looked at Dustin in shock and he replied, "I'm getting a new retainer and headgear next appointment?"  He shrugged as he looked at them.

Michelle shrugged also and said to her companion, "April, look what you started," getting her headgear out of her purse and starting to insert it, looking at Denise as she did so.

This prompted Denise to realize she had to wear hers.  She picked it out, turned to Dustin and said, "I only know how to put it in with a mirror.  Do you think you can see to put it in for me?" handing him the face bow.  Dustin just cleared his throat and then began to do what she asked.  It occurred to him that he had his hands in the mouth of a girl he just met on the previous leg of bus travel.  Once he had the face bow in, she was able to attach the strap, perhaps much slower than an experienced patient.

Everyone looked at Denise as she looked at Michelle, who observed, "I always thought mine fit funny, the way the bottom lip has to push up between the face bow and the front teeth.  I see yours does the same.  And did he clip your strap already so you can't slack it off if it hurts?"  Denise just agreed but had no answer about the bottom lip.

The four passengers just looked at each other until the bus pulled into Dustin's car pool lot.  Denise got up at that point, looking in surprise that Dustin was getting up too.  They exited the bus after wishing the other two girls luck with their treatments.  Dustin felt uncomfortable.  Supposedly they were supposed to head for their respective cars.  Denise walked beside Dustin, seeming to try to make small talk and then stopped at a car.  Dustin started to bid her good night when she said, "Dustin, it was great meeting you tonight.  I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together some time.  Like go for a drink or something."

Dustin almost coughed in shock.  But yes, he would love to see Denise again.  She invited him into her car where they exchanged numbers and arranged to get drinks downtown after work the next night.  Dustin would have to quit at a more reasonable time that day, but it turned out Denise would leave work at seven in the evening, so Dustin would meet her then.  The next night Dustin had drinks with Denise, followed by dinner and soon they found the buses had stopped running, all except for the pink line.

Three dates later Denise came along to Dustin's appointment where he got his own headgear.

Online TrainTrack

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #25 on: 10. November 2023, 15:16:28 PM »
Doctor Cornflake ;D That’s a super funny way to include the word Cornflake. The story was good, though, and I especially loved that part. The way you chose to incorporate the two words was nothing short of ingenious.

Offline RetainedJms

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #26 on: 12. November 2023, 18:59:10 PM »
On thebus

It was only a short walk from the orthodontist’s office to the bus stop but if I wanted to catch the next bus I had to hurry. I slipped off my heels and put them in my bag with the shopping I’d collected before my appointment, I’d make better time walking barefoot.

I knew that ultimately I’d have to get used to being seen in public wearing my new braces but they’d only just been fitted and right now I couldn’t bare the thought of waiting twenty five minutes in the public town centre for the next bus if I missed this one. I walked as fast as my little bare feet would take me whilst awkwardly pulling my dress down to keep it from riding up my legs. The bus had beaten me to the stop and was just about to close the door as I hopped on behind the last remaining passengers waiting to buy their tickets.

I hadn’t had to try speaking to anyone since leaving the orthodontist’s office but that was about to change. The bus driver was going to be the first to see me attempt to talk in public with my new look, mouth packed full of orthodontic hardware which I was unable to hide by closing my lips and my head wrapped in straps gently tugging on my shiny new facebow. Nervous didn’t even come close. I’d always felt quite pretty and confident, but look at me now, a fully braced freak. My pretty smile was now just a mass of metal, elastics and bulky plastic, all because of my messed up wisdom teeth. The embarrassment of three years of braces in my early teens all for nothing, with me now at twenty two years old, locked into my second round of heavy orthodontic treatment.

As the last passenger payed for their ticket I took a moment to compose myself, rearrange my dress, and stepped forward to the drivers counter. “Sshinge pleasshee” I lisped to the driver. I felt myself flush bright red as she stared directly at my mouth, unable to understand a word I’d said. I attempted my awkward new open mouthed smile, showing off the shiny brackets and the translucent pink plastic of the bulky twinblock appliance and immediately looked back down at my bare feet in shame and embarrassment. “Ishhh mahh nuuh brashesh, dehh make ih harrdh ooh shbeek” I said, opening my mouth and baring my teeth for her to see what I was dealing with. She looked at me with a sympathetic smile as tears began welling in my eyes. “Adult single ticket?” She asked kindly. I nodded, as I exchanged a handful of change for the ticket she had printed for me. I turned and looked around looking for the nearest available seat where I could sit alone. Spotting a vacant double seat towards the back, I timidly put one bare foot in frog the other making my way down the aisle. The bus was quite busy and I felt extremely self conscious in my little dress and complicated new mouthwear. I could feel peoples eyes on me but I avoided making eye contact with anyone as I sat down tucking myself up against the window. I crossed my bare legs placing one hand on my exposed thigh and awkwardly positioned the other on my facebow attempting to cover my mouth, but with my red hair tied up in a ponytail between the straps of my headgear there was no way to hide my braces at all. I felt like I was on full show. The bus moved off and I could feel saliva starting to accumulate in my mouth due to the large plastic appliances, and with my lips propped up, unable to close I had to loudly slurp it back every minute or so or it would run down my chin. It was so embarrassing! This sense of constant exposure and shame was totally new to me.

This was the first length of time I’d had to myself after leaving the orthodontist’s office and started exploring my brand new braces with my tongue. The orthodontist had explained to me before I left the office that it was a lot of hardware to be fitted with all at once. He said my speech would be permanently altered and it’d take a long time for me to get used to having so much equipment in my mouth. He had said that he usually likes to build patient’s appliances up slowly over a few months but unless I wanted to be in braces past my twenty fifth birthday we had better just get on with fitting multiple appliances at once, warning that there may be more to fit in future if my teeth don’t respond. He thought that because I’d already worn braces and headgear in my teens I was more mature now and that I’d manage it all. As I sat there probing the new devices with my tongue, I wasn’t so sure…

The polished upper facebow and acrylic lower lip bumper delicately propped both lips slightly open, exposing the shiny metal brackets on the front of each of my teeth with an elastic band stretched between my upper and lower canines on both sides. Behind my teeth, inside my jaws the new acrylic appliances felt huge, much larger than the old retainers I used to wear at night. I could now feel just how much plastic had been crammed into my little mouth. The upper appliance extended right back to my last molars covering all of my pallet and the lower one went far underneath my tongue. On the upper jaw there was a large flat plastic shelf, level with the edge of my front teeth back to my canines. This huge bite plate was the cause of most of the problems with my speech. The plastic also covered the biting surface of my molars, premolars and bicuspids on both top and bottom rows of teeth, which meant when I bit down my front teeth where nowhere near meeting, my jaws were left propped open about a half inch. I made a clacking sound as plastic mashed against plastic when I bit down and the only thing my tongue now came into contact with on the inside of my mouth was polished smooth acrylic. It was extremely frustrating!

As if all that volume of plastic wasn’t enough to deal with, the metal rods holding the two halves of the appliance together controlled the whole range of motion of my lower jaw, forcing it to jut forward uncomfortably working like telescopes sliding in and out as I opened and closed my mouth. I could actually hear metal sliding on metal as I moved my jaws. I attempted to move my jaw around testing its new limits now completely governed by the shape of the plastic blocks and the metal rods. It wasn’t much. No real side to side movement at all. No backward movement at all, and only limited up and down movement. The rods locked at a certain point meaning I could only open my mouth a little way, maybe a few centimetres. As tears began so well in my eyes and run down my cheeks I looked down at the bag of shopping at my still bare feet. The box of cornflakes poking out of the top. I began to quietly sob as I wondered how the hell I was even going to eat them now and how the hell I was going to manage the next few years.

As the bus rolled along, despite the massive new braces in my mouth and the ugly straps around my face, my little dress and bare feet did make me feel kinda cute and looking down at my soft legs I decided not to put my shoes back on, instead admiring the pretty pink pedicure on my toes. I thought to myself, maybe the braces would make me look cute too, in a way? I would definitely look younger with them, with the headgear sticking out of my mouth I must have barely looked eighteen. Maybe some guys might think dating a cute young braceface was kinda hot? Maybe I can own them as my signature look? That cute girl in her twenties with the mouth full of braces?.. I lost myself in daydreams as I put my fingers to my mouth, toying with the facebow as it passed out from between my lips. I probed my tongue around the smooth plastic appliances covering the entirety of the inside of my mouth wondering what kissing would feel like with all this hardware. Maybe these new braces might actually be kinda fun? Did I actually start feeling even slightly turned on my them? After all, my orthodontist was kinda hot too. Maybe I quite liked the idea of being his little project girl, getting worked on in his chair every few weeks as he adds more and more invasive, bulky appliances to my busy little mouth as I lie there in my cute little dresses… Making out with him in the dental chair? Yep, I was actually getting pretty turned on, by my braces?!! That sense of exposure and embarrassment from wearing the devices in public was starting to make me feel really horny!

I was still daydreaming when the bus arrived at my stop. I loudly slurped back the excess saliva as I made the barefoot walk down the central aisle to the front doors, this time allowing my dress to ride up slightly, showing the tops of my thighs and bottom of my bum to the other passengers. I smiled my awkward new smile at the driver, and loudly attempted to thank her: “Ankhhshh” It comes out as. Loud enough for everyone to hear. I blushed again as I had the attention of the whole bus, now fully indulging in the sense of shame coming from the way I look and sound. Maybe these braces might not be so bad at all? I thought as I stepped off the bus, already looking forward to my next orthodontist appointment in two weeks and the next few years of being “that cute girl with the mouth full of braces”
Braces, bare feet, ball gags and bondage!

Online TrainTrack

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #27 on: 12. November 2023, 19:14:31 PM »
That has the makings of a great story. It sucks that there is the word limit, it could get real interesting. Great story, though!

Offline Sparky

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #28 on: 12. November 2023, 21:37:21 PM »
> That has the makings of a great story.

I can see it does, but it also works well as a standalone story!


> It sucks that there is the word limit, it could get real interesting.

Well, you see, if we didn't have the word limit, it wouldn't be a SHORT story, would it? :-)

Sometimes we writers don't WANT to have a long story, a shorter one like that can have a lot of stuff packed in. Many of my stories became epic sagas, so it is occasionally refreshing to go for something simpler.

And the topic seems to have stimulated plenty of different new ideas, so well done everyone.... and keep them coming!

Offline RetainedJms

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Re: New Writing Challenge
« Reply #29 on: 12. November 2023, 21:51:59 PM »
Thanks @TrainTrack, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I am tempted to write a pre and sequel for it, include meeting her orthodontist and the fitting procedure, then adjusting to life with the new hardware, follow up appointments and additional appliances etc… But I also agree with @Sparky, I think I prefer a short story. A 2500 word limit feels about right for me to be able to creat a scenario I like without feeling like I’m dragging it out. I also find that 2500 words feels ‘doable’. As a bit of a casual writer, I don’t feel an obligation to keep going and going. Just write something cool and hope someone enjoys reading it :) Thanks for setting the challenge Sparky!
Braces, bare feet, ball gags and bondage!