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Author Topic: New story  (Read 10708 times)

Offline Michellemon

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New story
« on: 19. April 2023, 10:38:01 AM »
Hi all! This is my first time ever writing a story so feedback is really appreciated !! I’ve also never written from the perspective of a guy, so if I am out of my league, let me know.

Story: Beam

“It’s refreshing, it’s clean, it’s Beam!” The official slogan of the up and coming brand. It was sunscreen, skincare, beach-wear, all of it. To be the Face of Beam was to never worry about not getting picked for jobs. It was the contract Steven had only dreamt of.

Steven was a model. He had the classic California, tan, surfer look to him. He wasn’t necessarily the most muscular or the best looking guy in the room, or anything along those lines. But he wasn’t bad on the eyes. He had charm with his easygoing demeanor, kind eyes, and he had a nice white smile, even if it wasn’t the straightest. That never bothered him much, because he still booked modeling gigs just fine.

Steven couldn’t believe his manager had booked him a tryout with the executives of Beam. His girlfriend Brittany was over the moon. She was definitely the kind of girl that status mattered to.

“What we are doing here,” the exec explained, “is crafting that image of the typical sunny surfer boy. Blonde hair, tan skin, white smile. We want that to be the face of ‘Beam’. Frankly, we think you could be that face.”
Steven blinked. He couldn’t believe it. They liked him! “Sir, I would love to. How can I make this happen?” He asked, hoping it came off as confident and not exuding any of the nervous energy he actually felt.
“Well, there is really only one problem.”

Offline FantaBrace

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Re: New story
« Reply #1 on: 19. April 2023, 11:12:36 AM »
It's well written so far but I think it would have been better if you'd at least posted the entire first chapter of the story instead of just a few short paragraphs.

No offence.

Offline acornjohn2001

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Re: New story
« Reply #2 on: 19. April 2023, 14:18:50 PM »
Cool, it looks very promising, good idea, well written, but I have to agree with FantaBrace - too short. But I undderstand you, you want to let us taste and you will go on when we like it. Go on, please!

Offline duncombec

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Re: New story
« Reply #3 on: 19. April 2023, 16:24:45 PM »
I don't comment often, but a story with a male main character is definitely worth making an exception to the rule!

You've set a good scene here with just those first few chapters, and I'm already forming an image in my head of the type of people Steven and his girlfriend are and how they'll react to what we assume is coming. I look forward to reading more (even if I don't comment on it!)

Offline Charlie0186

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Re: New story
« Reply #4 on: 20. April 2023, 06:27:26 AM »
It's great so far -- well done!

Take as praise the comments about posting such a short piece.  You've obviously succeeded in hooking at least those commentators into the story.  I am looking forward to seeing where this goes, though.

Offline m1090y

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Re: New story
« Reply #5 on: 20. April 2023, 10:29:06 AM »
Yes, I like what this opening suggests is to come.  You've set a detailed scene in a very short passage.

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #6 on: 22. April 2023, 08:00:01 AM »
Thank you all so much for the advice!! I’ll work on getting the next one out, and hopefully longer than before. :)

Offline retained

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Re: New story
« Reply #7 on: 22. April 2023, 23:08:14 PM »
Yes, keep it going.
Good so far.

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #8 on: 23. April 2023, 04:51:38 AM »
Chapter 2: Beam (advice / critiques appreciated!!)


Steven sat across the table, staring at the five executives, all clad in expensive looking suits, their previously boisterous energy now turned pensive and serious.

“Well, let’s cut to the chase,” the executive Something-Davenport, a man in his mid-fifties who seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face in comparison to his colleagues who typically seemed more refined, stated and loudly clapped his hands together. Steven tried not to flinch. “We want a perfect smile.”

Hm. Steven certainly wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. Sure his smile wasn’t the straightest, he knew his teeth were a little crooked as the did stick out further than necessary as they leaned towards the front. His two front teeth slightly bent inwards in well with the conjunction of being flared outwards. He was a thumb sucker as a child, his parents told him. His jaw was slightly off as well, as he could tell just from looking that his bottom jaw went slightly to the side and was hidden under his top teeth which came out a bit far.

This all seemed so minor. The worst of it was the occasionally clicking and jaw pain from clenching when he woke up in the morning, but it wasn’t like any of that was visible. He suddenly felt rather self conscious about his teeth and ran his tongue over them.

“So, if you got your teeth fixed within 8 months, we can sign a contract and get started,” Mr. Davenport stated bluntly.

“Like…braces?” He asked dumbly. The executives all nodded, some looking slightly impatient, like they were ready to move on. He was an adult! It was the opportunity of a lifetime, but… an adult? In braces? What would his friends even think? Oh god, what would Brittany think? Looks were a big thing to her.

He paused, staring at the men in suits in front of him, one man tapping his pen on the table with a blank look on his face. They were waiting for an answer, he realized.

Braces were usually clear these days anyways. What the hell. “I’m in,” Steven stated.

“Perfect!” a different executive said, with a pleased smile. This executive seemed friendlier than Mr. Davenport with a cheery grin and ginger hair, but Steven wasn’t sure of his name. “So, since you are signing with us, we have different agencies and companies we reach out to. We will have our office staff set up an appointment with a local orthodontist in your area with a time frame we expect everything to be done by. We will want you to be ready for when we roll out the company, as we will need to start scheduling photo shoots, promos, among other things. So, obviously your treatment will be covered by Beam, as written in your contract. After you sign, we will have one of the office assistants reach out to you with further details.”

Steven blinked. Everything happened so fast. Was that it? He was really about to score the deal of a lifetime. And the treatment was fully covered? This seemed nearly too good to be true.

The red haired man paused, handing Steven a pen. “Did you need time to read?”

Steven looked at the contract. He saw the line of pay, which exceeding the number his manager has suggested they may offer by a mile. He scrawled his signature across the contract and shook his head, “No need! I’m in!”

The execs smiled, and even the constantly scowling Mr. Davenport looked pleased.

———

He had called his manager and relayed the message and she seemed positively thrilled. She went over the contract and didn’t have any notes.

Steven couldn’t help but to feel nervous. It was a lot to take in at once. His life was about to change drastically. And he was getting braces!

Steven felt nervous, even if the braces were clear, what would his friends think? What would his girlfriend think?

He decided to call his younger sister Grace. She always knew what to say.

Grace picked up on the second ring. “Hey Steve, what’s up?”

“Not much, are you free to chat?”

“Yeah, I’m just with Sarah right now,” she explained. Not surprising. When weren’t those two attached at the hip?

“So, you know that big modeling contract I was telling you about?” Grace confirmed she did, rather cautiously. “I got it!!” Steven exclaimed, happily. He had to hold the phone away from his ear due to Grace’s loud squealing.

“The only downside is, I have to get braces,” he mumbled, after the excitement died down. “It’s covered by the company, though!”

“Really?” Grace asked, surprised. “Hm, I just can’t picture you in braces, is all. Mr. Ken Doll with metal in his mouth,” she mused.

“Okay, okay, chill out. It’ll probably be clear braces anyways. They mostly are these days,” Steven said casually, hoping his voice didn’t betray his nervousness. She was supposed to be helping him calm down, not make him feel worse!

“Maybe. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up is all. If they are paying for it, it seems like they’d probably go with the cheapest option available, right? Money is money is money,” she stated. He did not like the sound of that logic. He heard some talking in the background before Grace followed up with, “Sarah says maybe it’ll be different for you, since it’s a modeling contract.”

Right. There was no way they would put him in metal braces. Not when he was going to be the face of Beam. Though, he wasn’t exactly the face yet. He had 8 months before that was official. Still, the chance of him getting metal braces felt low. There was no way! He confidently relayed all this information back to Grace.

“If you say so,” was all his sister said in response.

Offline TrainTrack

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Re: New story
« Reply #9 on: 23. April 2023, 05:03:46 AM »
I feel Steven may be surprised! I find pretty much nothing wrong with your story, interesting concept, good paragraph breaks, good punctuation. Man, eight months to a perfect smile… I wonder what is included in that >:D?

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #10 on: 28. April 2023, 03:50:11 AM »
Okay new chapter! I’ve never done a story before so I’m hoping the pacing is okay!

Chapter 3: Beam

The orthodontist Beam chose was named Dr. Tillman, per an email he received with numerous documents attached.

He found himself walking into the office only two days after that first meeting. Everything had happened so quickly. He was trying not to get his hopes up, but he was praying he would get clear braces. He really didn’t want metal braces.

The thought made him anxious. He walked up to the front and introduced himself to the receptionist, a kind looking woman in about her early thirties.

“Okay Steven, so Dr. Tillman’s assistant Melanie will be doing your scans today and placing your spacers. She’ll be ready for you in about ten minutes so go ahead and sit in the waiting room. “

Steven made his way over to the chairs and began fiddling anxiously with his fingers. He glanced up, surprised to see a surly teenage girl with some kind of metal contraption encasing her face. There was a blue plastic pad across her forehead with metal bars that extended down to a blue cup on her chin. It seemed to be connected via rubber bands. Her face seemed to be lost behind the mass of metal. “Thake a picthure, it’ll lash longer,” she glared at him. Her voice was heavily impacted by the appliance.

Oops. His cheeks burned. He hadn’t realized he was staring. He had just never seen anything like that before. He was beyond grateful his teeth weren’t bad enough to ever need anything like that. “Sorry,” he muttered awkwardly, and was relieved when a woman about his age with blonde hair came out into the waiting room for him.

“Steven?” she called. He immediately sat up, glad to be away from the angsty teen. “Hi Steven, I’m Melanie. I’ll be getting you prepped today for Dr. Tillman. This appointment shouldn’t take too long,” she said, motioning for him to follow her.

They walked down the hall into a room with a chair and various medical equipment around the room. “We are going to take some scans today and place spacers to get ready for Dr. Tillman to make up a treatment plan. She’s quick, and since we have a timeline, she’ll likely have something within the next couple of days. I’ll send over some paperwork for you to read through before your next appointment detailing the plan.”

The appointment did go by surprisingly quick. He had to take a mold of his mouth which had left him gagging due to the mixture nearly reaching the back of his throat. Photos were taken at various angles, some of which involved him biting a machine that held his jaw in place while a large camera snapped photos.

His appointment ended with Melanie placing blue rubber bands between all of his teeth, then sending him on his way.

The blue rubber bands were surprisingly uncomfortable, but not too noticeable unless he smiled widely.

———

Steven was at home the next day, in the middle of scheduling a modeling gig in a couple weeks on his laptop. It was a smaller store with vintage clothes, but paid well. He was answering questions about his dimensions and describing his look the way his manager Raymond taught him to. His email pinged with a notification that the orthodontist office had sent him a treatment plan. Huh, that was quick.

His teeth felt tender today, but nothing too bad. It more felt like he had food stuck between his teeth which was uncomfortable but certainly not painful.

He opened the email and saw it was surprisingly long. The document that was pages long provided his expected treatment timeline of 8 months and said a lot of words he wasn’t familiar with. He briefly skimmed it, bands, expansion devices, dual open bite appliances, extra oral traction device. He had no clue what any of this meant. He scrolled to the bottom of his email where it was requested that he come in the next morning for an appointment with a number to call to confirm.

Might as well get it over with. He quickly dialed the number and was able to confirm with a receptionist over the phone. She relayed that Dr. Tillman liked patients to read their treatment plans before coming to the appointment. He confirmed he would, though he figured this may end up being a little white lie.

The document was like ten pages filled with words he didn’t know. If it was anything crazy, he was sure he would recognize the words or something, but nothing sounded too exteme. He wanted to instead spend his time getting ready for the photo shoot in a couple of weeks. It looked like it may include swimwear so he thought he may hit the gym ensure he was toned and ready.

He was at the gym an hour later, the document out of mind as he focused on his exercise.


Offline castleg

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Re: New story
« Reply #11 on: 28. April 2023, 11:31:28 AM »
great story, waiting for the update

Offline Sparky

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Re: New story
« Reply #12 on: 28. April 2023, 14:12:58 PM »
So, for someone who has never written a story before, then let me tell you that you are doing it all right! Pacing is fine, some nice hints being dropped... nice and easy to read...

Don't worry if you feel it's taking ages to write it, or if it's all coming at once.... it's YOUR story, take your own pace. I'm sure that whatever you write, we'll enjoy it!

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #13 on: 29. April 2023, 09:38:18 AM »
Thanks so much! I super appreciate the advice!!

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #14 on: 03. May 2023, 01:15:47 AM »
Chapter 4: Beam

It was early the next day that Melanie ushered him into a room lined with reclining dentist chairs. He was sat at the far end and was the only one in the room.

Melanie began pulling out the blue rubber bands, which was relieving. He had felt like he had food stuck between his teeth for the last couple of days.

A tray was placed beside him with numerous small boxes filled with metal pieces and plastic. He wondered what on the table was meant for his treatment. Was all of it?

The assistant cleaned his teeth before sitting his chair back up, “Dr. Tillman will be over in a few minutes to start placing your bands,” she said cheerily as she exited the room.

He tried to stop his leg from anxiously bouncing, but to no avail.

Dr. Tillman finally entered. She looked to be in her mid forties with a face that looked somewhere between bored and stern. “Hello Steven, how are we feeling?” she asked, pulling on a pair of white gloves. The only emotion she showed was a slight raise in her eyebrows. He confirmed he felt well, leaving out his slight trepidation about the appointment as he was certain the inquiry was nothing more than a formality. He got the sense hat Dr. Tillman wasn’t the chatty type.

Dr. Tillman slid a mask over her face and began speaking, “Okay, so our time together needs to be condensed into eight months. Meaning, due to the contract we both signed, we will need to be quick with this treatment. Rather than meeting once a month, we will meet once every two weeks for tightening and adjustments. It won’t be as comfortable as a typical treatment as I will have to make some major modifications as I’m sure you saw in the packet I sent to you. I would have preferred for a treatment like yours to have at least 2, maybe even 3 years, so we are really racing against the clock now. However, I’m confident we will get it done.” Dr. Tillman said assuredly. Her demeanor seemed very no-nonsense.

Steven was surprised. He didn’t think there would be too much that really needed to be done.

Without warning, Dr. Tillman took a clear plastic mechanism and stuck it between his lips, causing his lips to be forced open and baring his teeth. He felt a bit ridiculous.

“This lip speader will keep your lips out of the way while I work. Firstly, I’m going to glue the banded brackets in, then we will get to work with the other devices: bite blocks, expanders, and tongue cribs. Normally, I’d want to wait until a couple of months in to start placing the appliances over time to help with adjustment, but unfortunately we do not have that luxury.”

He felt a bit nervous hearing all of those names. He wasn’t sure what any of that meant, besides the brackets, though he wasn’t sure what banded meant. He looked down on the table beside him at masses of metal and began to wish he read the packet. He had really started to convince himself that he was getting clear braces! He started to panic.

“Ahhh ihhh ahh ah??” Steven tried to ask (what is all that?) but it came out horribly mangled due to his lips being stretched apart.

“This first part should take about an hour, then I’ll give you a break,” Dr. Tillman said, completely misreading Steven’s comments.

Dr. Tillman began sliding different rings across his teeth, seemingly looking for the perfect fit. She would then put some kind of paste on them before fitting the metal hoops onto his teeth, and used a small device to hammer them onto his teeth, followed by a blue light. It didn’t hurt, but the repetitive pounding certainly wasn’t comfortable.

Steven wished he could see more, but the low angle of the chair, light in his eyes, and tools in his face made it hard to see.

He felt nervous the first few brackets being hammered in, but eventually he got used to the methodical sliding of the metal hoops around each tooth. He didn’t realize that’s how braces were typically placed, but he never paid much attention to braces before.

After about forty or more long minutes of the tedious feeling on his mouth being poked and prodded at, Dr. Tillman pulled the lip spreader from his mouth. Steven flexed his jaw as she allowed him to sit up in the examination chair. His mouth was dry and he felt his lips get caught on his newly applied braces. He attempted to push his lips over but found he needed to wet his teeth before he was able to do so.
He felt startled by how large the brackets felt on his teeth. “Have some water,” Dr. Tillman offered, pulling Steven from his thoughts.

He eagerly accepted and after a few gulps Dr. Tillman was already having his chair recline. The lip spreader was back between his lips before he remembered he had meant to ask about the other devices mentioned. Dr. Tillman certainly worked quick.

“Do you have a preference of color for your power bands?” the orthodontist asked, holding up a variety of colorful rubber band loops. He definitely wasn’t going to get anything colorful. Steven pointed to black in the hopes that it would be less inconspicuous.

 

He had just been thinking how the braces didnt hurt in the slightest when Dr. Tillman began stretching the previously mentioned powerbands across his teeth. He hadn’t expected them to feel so tight. By the time she was done with both jaws, his jaw was already starting to have serious discomfort.

Dr. Tillman began taking large pieces of metal and placing them into Steven’s mouth, making small adjustments, and placing them back in. Steven saw a large spider like piece of metal be slid into his mouth. He wanted to feel it but he couldn’t due to a tongue blocker of some kind. He wondered if that oddly shaped device was something that would end up staying in his mouth? He guessed not, as it was probably something used to put the braces on, but he still had that fear after what his sister said.

He needed to relax. Steven could feel her placing various devices in his mouth, like something behind both jaws, likely to keep his tongue away from the braces while she worked. Different pieces of metal and plastic were going in and out of his mouth so often that he found himself losing track. Something was pressed into his lower jaw, and pressed firmly in, leaving his tongue to awkwardly position itself elsewhere. He was told to bite down on occasion, but mostly just sat there feeling disconnected from what was happening. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing through his nose, and did his best to fully zone out.

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #15 on: 03. May 2023, 01:17:26 AM »
I wrote another chapter to this but I wanted to give a heads up that I didn’t really know how to write a lisp or anything like that. I wasn’t sure what was preferred, the speech written as it sounds or just written normally with readers envisioning what it sounds like on their own.

Offline duncombec

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Re: New story
« Reply #16 on: 03. May 2023, 02:37:07 AM »
You'll find different readers prefer different things: those who prefer to read the lisp as it would sound, others who find "lisp writing" extremely annoying... and both types are here!

As I and others have said, you're doing a great job, so just write whatever feels most natural to you. Try it both ways, perhaps, or start to give us a flavour and then drift into regular speech once we've got the picture.

After all... isn't half the fun in reading building the image in your head of what the author's world looks and sounds like?

Offline Braceface2015

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Re: New story
« Reply #17 on: 03. May 2023, 03:02:46 AM »
I find it depends on how much conversation there is in the chapters. If there are a couple of people having a short discussion, the lisp can be used to show a level of embarrassment hard to describe in other ways.

If the lisp is too hard to understand or is used for too long, it becomes ineffective and the enjoyment of the story can be lost.

I agree with Duncombec, do what you feel comfortable with, you can't please everyone.


On a side note, spellcheckers hate lisps and if you are using a device with autocorrect enabled, the results can be frustrating.

Offline mr_90proof

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Re: New story
« Reply #18 on: 03. May 2023, 03:37:43 AM »
It is a lot easier not to do it. Typing the lisp takes much more thought and is more time consuming.  But I think sometimes the story really needs it to fully develop it.  Or you can do both in the same story and piss off both groups at the same time.  Someone else is doing that right now (It was hard enough to type a chapter out on my phone while driving without have to think about the spelling of poor Haley’s mammoth lisp.)

Or just do what you want and fook what “they” think.

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #19 on: 20. June 2023, 09:30:53 AM »
Chapter 5: Beam

Some time later, Dr. Tillman finally released his aching lips and tongue from the pieces of plastic. “Okay,” she said, clapping her hands together. “I will get you a cup of water and a break, then we will come back and wrap up the rest of the appliances and explain the next couple of weeks to you.”

Steve nodded. His mouth felt so dry, he tried to move his tongue around to feel his new braces but the dryness made it difficult. He tried to lick his lips, but realized the tongue blocker from earlier was still in his mouth and made it difficult. The blocker was made up of some kind of wire that seemed to come from the front of both jaws just behind his teeth.

He tried to swallow but found it nearly impossible with the tongue blockers. He realized his upper and lower palates both seemed to have some metal taking up space, as well as something between his teeth that was effectively holding them apart. It was uncomfortable to say in the least. He really didn’t have anywhere to put his tongue, so he was definitely ready for her to take the rest of the devices out. His mouth was getting sore from being held open so long. He flexed his jaw, unable to ignore how full his mouth was.

The orthodontist came back and handed him the cup of water. He went to take a sip and again he struggled to swallow, some of the water dripping out of his mouth and down onto his shirt.

“Maybe we ‘oul’ ‘ay ou the p’as’ic?” He suggested, doing his best to enunciate with the appliances left in his mouth and he wiped his mouth. He was hoping to get a brief break from all the tools in his mouth and between his jaws.

Dr. Tillman looked surprised and her eyes narrowed, “No, those stay. All your devices are permanent. Did you read your packet?”

Steven blushed at the almost withering look he was given, “Nah fully,” he admitted, before realizing whay she said, “Thethe thay?? Aw of ih? Buh I cahh thalk,” he struggled to say. His heart pounded in his chest. Permanent as they didn’t even come out? He felt oddly claustrophobic.

Dr. Tillman looked less than impressed. “Well, this likely is going to feel like a lot since you didn’t familiarize yourself with the paperwork,” she said exasperated, handing him a mirror and continued on, “We banded your teeth for maximum control, along with powerchains to ensure we don’t get any unwanted movement.”

He bared his teeth and stared at his reflection, horrified to see there was thick strips of metal wrapped around each tooth. These certainly weren’t clear braces like he anticipated, but they didn’t look like normal braces either. They were large metal squares that seemed to be on the bands of metal that went around each tooth, showing his white teeth only at the top and bottom. There was more metal visible than actual teeth. The black bands were a mistake as they darkened his already grey mouth. He touched his braces to feel the newly placed contraptions and flinched at how sensitive they were. Behind both jaws came down metal loops that extended well past his teeth. They would have been clanging against each other if it wasn’t for the fact that he couldn’t actually close his mouth or meet his jaws together. His jaws were forced apart by dark blue pieces of plastic that began behind his canines and covered the entirety of his back molars on both his upper and lower jaws. The thick plastic on his molars were all that touched. He gingerly open and closed his mouth, hearing the plastic audibly clack together. He swallowed nervously.

“I placed upper and lower tongue cribs to fix your open bite and installed bite blocks along your molars to both get your jaw placement where I want it to be and to keep the cribs from bumping into each other. You will get used to the blocks, you’ll need to relearn and adapt to chewing but most adapt well after a week or so. They are formulated so your mouth doesn’t close properly unless your jaws are in the proper placements with your lower jaw sliding to sit under the top properly. ” A week!? He won’t be able to chew for an entire week!

“Additionally, with the tongue cribs you will need to relearn things like swallowing, tongue placement, and eating. Your speech is likely to be affected but it often gets better over time. You may or may not continue to have speech difficulties, but that really varies patient to patient.” So his speech from earlier was how he was going to sound for the next week as well?!

“We also have upper and lower expanders as both jaws are quite narrow, so we need to have them widened. This may impact speech as well.”

He reluctantly opened his mouth further to peer inside to see the spider like device he saw earlier also on his upper and lower jaw. They had small screws on his palate and extended nearly the entire the entire span of the roof of his mouth.

“You will twist these once a day for the next two weeks, then we will discuss at our next appointment. I’ll twist them for you now, and then I’ll have my assistant show you how to do them yourself once you and I are through.” Steven nodded numbly.

The orthodontist brought a small metal tool to his mouth and began doing something to the device on the roof of his jaw. He heard a small click followed by intense pressure that radiated throughout his skill. Before he had the chance to ask, she had done the same to his bottom jaw, leaving his mouth throbbing.

He cupped his jaw and watched in disbelief as Dr. Tillman pulled out more metal on the side table.

“Okay, next step is installing your lip bumpers, but I first want to make sure nothing feels sharp or wrong. So, how does everything feel?”

“Uh, nothing feelth thawp….or wong,” Steven slurred out. “It feelth like a lot though.” He discarded the mirror to his lap, no longer wanting to see himself.

“You will get used to the appliances. These lip bumpers will also help to keep your lips off the brackets. The pressure from your lips will help to apply some extra force which is needed for the timeline we have,” Dr. Tillman stated as she began placing in ‘u’ shaped pieces of metal with thick, clear plastic parts attached at the front to Steven’s braces. After she was done fiddling with the devices, she pulled her hands away and Steven realized his lips were now forced open by the plastic behind his lips sitting above his brackets. He awkwardly pushed his lips together and found they could indeed touch, but it wasn’t natural or easy. It felt similar to the mouth guard he wore in high school when he wrestled. He couldn’t imagine what he looked like. The mirror sat unused on his lap as he was terrified to pick it up. He didn’t mean to be vain, but… he was a model!! His looks mattered to him, sue him! “Last piece, I won’t wire it yet as I want you to get used to your devices first before we add in the wiring and your elastics to close that bite,” she said. What did wiring mean? What else could she possibly put in his mouth? It was beyond full.

A u-shaped piece of wire that was on the thicker side, with two loops, one inside the other. She told him to smile, which he was sure looked more similar to a grimace, and immediately placed the inner loops of the device between his lips, wiggling the arms of the metal into the braces on his upper molars.

With horror he realized what it was, headgear. Grace’s friend named Sarah who had worn one. She had a wire come out from between her lips that met a blue strap that went behind her neck and disappeared behind her brunette hair. He saw her wearing it once in high school when she was over for a sleepover with his sister when she got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water at the same time as him. She had look mortified to see him, and upon his asking what it was, she clarified. She had kept her eyes on the floor the whole conversation and hand firmly in front of her mouth as if it would hide the bars wrapping around her face. He had heard of headgear every once in awhile, it didn’t seem the torture device was commonly used, but he never saw Sarah in hers again in the many times she was over at their house.

They had become friends over the years, but Sarah never spoke of the incident.

Dr. Tillman grabbed a black strap and placed it over the top of Steven’s head. He felt his hair flatten down and glanced at himself in the mirror. His hand unconsciously gripped the mirror as he suddenly hated his blonde hair and the way it contrasted so extremely with the black straps flattening his hair. The metal facebow was attached to white pieces of plastic that went across his cheek and in front of his ears to reach the thick, black straps that cupped his head both behind and above. It was more noticeable than the one Grace wore which was hidden at the neck behind her long hair. No part of this appliance could be hid behind hair.

He felt intense pressure, like his jaw was being forced to the back of his skull.

“Okay,” the orthodontist said, “That’s it! I’ll have Melanie here show you how to use your devices. I’ll be wanting the headgear in 24/7, except for showering, and eating if you’d prefer.” And with that she was gone.

That was it?? His mouth was stuffed with metal and plastic and she wanted to say ‘that was it’? He sat there gaping in shock, probably looking like a metallic fish of some sorts.

It was only after she was gone and Melanie was back in the room and talking to him about the devices, that he realized she had said 24/7 hour wear.

All day. Every day. She expected him to go out in public with headgear? Was she insane?? The braces were already more intense than he could have possibly thought, but the headgear was just beyond imaginable.

“Does that all make sense to you Steven?” a kind voice pulled him from his thoughts. He looked at Melanie rather dazed, and remembered she had been talking to him for a good few minutes.

“Could you actually, repeat that?” He asked timidly. His words came out slurred, with certain sounds not quite pronounced.

“Not a problem,” she stated and began showing him how to connect the straps to the facebow and how to take the facebow in and out. She had him do it a couple of times and it was easy enough. He was also given a small key to turn his expanders which seemed doable. He tried not to think too hard about the unrealistic expectation of 24/7 wear.

“Schedule an appointment for two weeks and we will see how everything is moving.”

Steven went to take the appliance off when Melanie stopped him. “Dr. Tillman wants devices with at all times in the office,” she explained apologetically. “Plus, it’ll be good to get used to wearing it as you are going straight to full time. Feel free to take some breaks, I just wouldn’t exceed more than a couple of hours at a time because of the strict timeline.”

Steven nodded dumbly and made his way to the door. He wandered out of the office to the front desk in a haze. He found himself forcing his lips to stretch unnaturally to meet, but were impeded by the face bow. He kept his eyes on the receptionist, determined to not look at anyone in the waiting room. “I woul’ like to may an appoin’men pleathe, for two weeth from now,” he slurred awkwardly. He would need to focus on his pronunciation.

The receptionist looked at him kindly, though he felt it was closer to pity.

She typed some stuff into her computer and handed him a card with his appointment time. He grabbed the card and made his way as quickly to the exit as he could without it being considered running. He could see people in his periphery sitting in the waiting room and did not dare to look in their direction. He found himself walking out of the office in a stunned manner. He had walked in a model, and was now leaving with straps around his head attaching to a thick wire leading into his mouth with a mouth so full of metal he could hardly keep his lips shut.

Offline annasun251

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Re: New story
« Reply #20 on: 20. June 2023, 16:29:28 PM »
I'm really enjoying this - thanks for sharing!

Offline bsma189

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Re: New story
« Reply #21 on: 20. June 2023, 20:08:46 PM »
This is really good!

Offline duncombec

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Re: New story
« Reply #22 on: 20. June 2023, 21:39:45 PM »
Another enjoyable chapter. As you asked earlier about the lisp, I think you've balanced it just right between lisp and regular speech. A flavour, but not overdone.

Offline bracessd

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Re: New story
« Reply #23 on: 21. June 2023, 17:12:56 PM »
Wow, that's intense! Great job!

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #24 on: 30. June 2023, 23:44:39 PM »
Thanks for the feedback!! I’ll try to get another chapter out soon!

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #25 on: 28. August 2023, 22:18:15 PM »
Chapter 6: Beam

Steven rushed out to his car, passing by a mom and her son who looked to be in elementary school. The kid stared unabashedly at him, and he distantly heard the mother reprimand him for staring.

Steven used to get stared at. He was a model, so sometimes it would happen, the occasional feeling of getting checked out. It always felt good and made him feel confident. His cheeks burned knowing that the only stares he would get anytime soon was about his metal mouth on the monstrosity on his head.

There must be some mistake! Or some loophole. His manager would know. He could fix this.

He immediately called his manager, Raymond. Surely there was something that could be done. A different orthodontist maybe? This was simply too intense of a treatment. The contract could be modified right?? He was spiraling. He sat in the parking lot in his car, bag in the passenger seat that he was given to hold the headgear currently strapped to his head. His tongue had nowhere to go, his mouth ached, and his lips bulged over a mass of metal. He felt his hands shaking as he dialed the number. There was no way he was meant to wear all this. He felt like he was in a daze.

If anyone could get him out of this, it was Raymond. “Hey kid, what’s up? How did the appointment go?”

“Waymon, they gafe me thethe hawible bwathes! There muth be thomething we can do!” Steven nearly begged. He was horrified at how unintelligible he was over the phone. He heard his facebow clang against the speaker and felt it resonate painfully along his jaw.

“Kid, I can’t hear you. This connection must be bad. Let me video call you, one sec.” Raymond ended the call and Steven stared at the black screen that displayed his own reflection. His facebow shined between his lips. This was the first time someone would see him. The phone lit up with Raymond calling and he picked up before he could talk himself out of it.

Raymond stared blankly at him. “Is that… what is that?” he stuttered.

“They gafe me headgear and thethe inthane bwathes,” he nearly yelled. He bared his teeth to show the extent of the damage.

“Can they do thith?” he fretted. He felt his upper lip get caught on his brackets and he had to unstick it with his hands.

His manager ended up not being too pleased either. “You’ve got to be kidding me! Why did they give us a heads up? How am I meant to book you in the next 8 months when you look like that? No offense Steven,” he clarified after seeing him flinch. Ouch. “Does that thing come out?” he asked, motioning to his headgear. Steven pursed his lips together to meet the facebow and nodded. He could feel the fullness and pressure from him lip bumpers when he did this. “That’s good I suppose,” he paused, then quietly continued, “It’s just, I can tell you have brace even with your mouth closed! I’m sorry kid. There’s no campaigns I can get you on, just off of logic alone.“

“I mean, either they are going to need to switch to a different doc or reimburse you for the 8 months of lost jobs.” He didn’t want reimbursement, he wanted this metal out of his mouth. He was regretting not reading that stupid packet. He couldn’t bring himself to mention it to Raymond.

Steven just stared. What was he meant to say? He felt his cheeks burn and his eyes well up with tears but we was determined not to cry. He took a few deep breaths while he listened to his manager mutter to himself and clack away on another phone.

“Don’t panic, I’ll reach out to corporate and see if there is anything we can do, someone else we can see, alright? Don’t stress, I’ll look into it for you!” He was no longer looking at Steven but loudly typing on his phone. Raymond ended the call.

Steven nodded to himself. This would all be fixed. Deep breaths. His mouth ached and he longed for pain medication. He took off the headgear for the drive home with some difficulty. Steven felt slightly better without seeing the shiny facebow in his lower field of vision.

Offline Michellemon

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Re: New story
« Reply #26 on: 28. August 2023, 22:25:33 PM »
Chapter 7: Beam

Steven got home and finally was able to take the time to really look at himself. His lips looked full, but not in the sense of plump, but just, stuffed? He had to actively push them together to keep his mouth closed. He tried to relax his lips and they immediately opened to reveal the thick bands and tongue cribs.

He nervously put on the headgear, slightly struggling to fit it into the tubes attached his molars. He had to learn to squeeze it past the blue plastic filling the back of his mouth.

He strapped on his headgear and was disappointed to see himself. He had thought maybe he had imagined it, but it was just as noticeable as he thought. He tried a grin and saw the blue plastic, metal crib loops, and banded teeth which immediately dropped his smile.

If it was just the braces, he would have been okay. Even those were a lot on their own, the thick metal bands covering the majority of each tooth with black rubber bands stretched across the entirety of the jaw. But the combination of the low hanging cribs, blue plastic blocks, massive lip bumpers, and headgear was just….unfathomable.

He immediately unstrapped his headgear and yanked at the facebow until it came out of his mouth. He put it in the bag he was given and shoved it into the drawer of his bedside table. He couldn’t deal with that anytime soon.

He went to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water to take with painkillers to ease his throbbing mouth. Steven was annoyed by the fact that even this task was more difficult as he had to purse his lips over the brackets and lip bumpers to reach the glass, and swallow with the expanders and tongue cribs in the way.

He hadn’t really done anything all day but he felt utterly exhausted.

He laid down in his bed and immediately fell asleep.

———

He was awakened by the bedroom door opening and Brittany entered. Her arms were full of shopping bags and she smiled at him, “Hey babe! How did your appointment go?”

He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He went to lick his dry lips but forgot the task was no longer easily achievable when his tongue was blocked by the two cribs.

“Noth gread,” he mumbled. “They pud all thith medal in my mouth. Waynond ith twying to fith it now,” he struggled to say, doing his best to slowly enunciate his words. He flexed his throbbing jaw, unintentionally baring his metallic mouth to his girlfriend.

“Oh my god,” she looked alarmed, her jaw literally dropping. His cheeks felt hot as she looked at him with such horror and scrutiny.

“I’m hoping ith tempowawy,” Steven stated, plainly. He was hoping for a bit of sympathy at his predicament, but she mostly looked shocked. Steven had always wondered if she was only dated him for his looks. What would they become if he didn’t have his looks anymore?

“I thought you were getting clear braces?” She peered closer, acting like the hardware in his mouth would jump out and bite her. He wasn’t sure if he could bite at all, ironically enough.

“Me oo,” he mumbled. This was humiliating. He knew she wouldn’t be a fan, but she looked positively revolted as she stood by the doorway. She eventually dropped her bags and sat beside him on the bed.Brittany leaned forward to give him a kiss but kissed his cheek at the last second. She tried to comfort him, but warmth never really was her strong suit. She awkwardly patted his back and asked him questions, that only served to worsen his mood.

His responses mostly consisted of: “Yes, all the time, they are wired in.” “No, I didn’t know.” “Yes, it hurts.” “No, I don’t know how I will eat.”

After apparently receiving all the information she needed, Brittany abruptly stood up. “I’ll make dinner,” she announced, and flounced away.

Steven sat alone on his bed and contemplated whether or not he would have a girlfriend still in the near future.

Offline annasun251

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Re: New story
« Reply #27 on: 31. August 2023, 12:57:35 PM »
Loved the update, thanks for sharing!